RBM Gives Robert Englund Crazy Nightmares

Kung Fu THIS, Bitch! \m/

Grace Potter & the Nocturnals – The Water

Trailer for “ROBOCOP 2014”: Your Move, Creep.

Well I’ll be damned.  They actually went through with it.  They’ve gone and remade yet another movie from our childhood.  I thought this one was just going to be another rumor that would fizzle out.  Nope.  This is for real, folks.  ROBOCOP got remade….and we have the trailer.

Pondering The Aftermath of “A Nightmare on Elm Street 3”

There are certain movies that one can watch countless times and never get sick of.  Everybody has their list.  I keep mine in a little box next to my bed.  Half the fun of re-watching these movies isn’t just in the recitation of every line.  No, sir.  The bulk of the enjoyment comes when you notice something brand new in a movie you’ve seen more times than your I.Q. score.  This very thing happened to me quite recently.

“Alien Vs. Hunter” = Totally Unwatchable….Literally

(the tagline says: “Battlezone: EARTH”…like it matters)

Wow.  This is a first.  I have never in my life come across a movie that is such a blatant ripoff.  Really?  Alien Vs. Hunter?  They couldn’t even come up with a vaguely different name?  We’re witnessing a new form of lazy which requires a whole new word.  I mean, who in the hell did they think they were fooling?  They almost got me.  Almost.  Thankfully, they have a crackerjack team of writers over at Netflix.  What they came up with for a synopsis is pure gold:

Game Over: The Life & Adventures Of “EVOLVER”

The late 80’s and early 90’s were a great time to be a kid.  Computer generated effects were in their infancy, the Nintendo Entertainment System was at its peak, and many awesomely-bad sci-fi movies were being pumped out like no tomorrow.  My favorite brand of those films were the ones based around video games that tried to kill the players for real.  Just think about it.  What if Nintendo had the cojones to instal crazy military programing into Robbie The Robot?  Gyromite would’ve been a hell of a lot more difficult, I tell ya what.  I’ll do you one better.  What if Q from Star Trek: TNG was responsible for programing and designing the robot?  We’d be in for a world of shit.  EVOLVER is about that very thing.

Meh At The End Of The Street

There really isn’t all that much to do when you’re working the graveyard shift.  Reading books and channel surfing tends to play a huge part in the down-time.  But ever since Netflix became available to me, via my phone and other media, I’ve been privy to the seemingly endless supply of mediocre movies they’ve acquired.  Tonight I took the Netflix wheel o’ wonders for a spin and was rewarded with indifference.  Ladies and gentlemen, here are my thoughts on House at the End of the Street.

Defender Discusses “DAYBREAKERS”

Let’s face it, vampires have been done to death these days.  Everything from turning them into sparkly sissies, giving them an HBO series, and having them go toe-to-toe with a former president has been churned out of tinsel-town lately.  Frankly, I’m sick of it.  They’re everywhere these days and they totally suck…and not in the awesome way.  I was beginning to lose hope that there would never be a truly great vampire movie again.  DAYBREAKERS changed all that.

“Evil Dead” Remake Red Band Trailer

Welp…I’m gonna go kill myself.

The Hobbit: A Most Expected Face-Melting

It certainly makes my nerd balls swell to know that this film finally got it’s shit together.  Let’s just hope we get to see it before that 2012 prediction comes to fruition.  Damn Mayans.  They should just buy a new damn calendar, if you ask me.  Those things are quite cheap and have cute pictures of cats doing adorable things on them.

BANEs, Bats, & Cats: Trailer For “The Dark Knight Rises”

By now the entire world has been made aware of this trailer’s existence.  But I am mostly to blame for the lack of promptness and all around good humor that you all have come to expect from RBM.  Lots of booze and not enough sleep will cause such problems. 

Bad Ass Ways to Save the World

A response to a request for a donation to the Salvation Army written by Jim Cook

So, it’s that time of year, again, when we get to see a dirty, half-drunk Santa dressed up and ringing a bell outside of the local shopping centers in honor of the Salvation Army.  Before you reach into your pocket and pull out that handful of change and pocket lint, take a minute to read this post!  If you are like me, then you want to do what you can to help change the world, but at the same time, you don’t want to help make it suck more.  While the Salvation Army has helped out many many people, they have also turned their backs on many people in need… for instance:  THE ENTIRE GAY COMMUNITY!  That’s right, I said it.  The Salvation Army is anti-homosexuality!  Now, put that change back in your pocket!  I have done my homework and have located lots of other charities where your money would be much more appreciated, such as Habitat For Humanity (which has a Christian background, but discriminates against no one).

Toy-Palooza 2011

PRESENTS!!!!!

Every year around late October, I start getting the same question from parents who visit the video game store that I work in.  “What’s the big present, this year?”  Sometimes it’s out of curiosity, but more often than not, it’s because they want to know what to expect when they ask their kids what they want Santa to bring this year.  Honestly, it flatters me that parents trust me with picking out the “big present under the tree.”  See, I know I have outstanding taste in entertainment, and I have the mind of a 12-year-old, so they can expect me to give a clear picture of what I expect to sell very well each year.  It helps that I get to try most of these games out before they release, and the fact that I spend lots of time corralling children in my store only adds to the fact that I’m aware of what’s the popular thing at any given time.  So, because I’ve been asked by a close friend what the heck they should get for their heard of children (and I’m not kidding, there’s A LOT of kids in that household), I’ve compiled a list of recommendations.

Trapped Under Ice: Red-Band Trailer For “The Thing” Prequel

Since most dopes think this is a sequel/remake, I’m not as bothered as I should be (mostly due to the fact that I have a brain in my head and know my Carpenter movies).  Even the fact that it was created by the same shit-heads that made the atrocious Dawn of the Dead remake hasn’t deterred me.  This looks like it’s going to be fantastic as hell. 

Conan: The Dumb-barian

No amount of prayers will help your movie, Momoa

Since the colossal success of The Lord of the Rings, studio execs have been trying to bank on the grand-scale epicness perfected by Peter Jackson.  He managed to take the works of Tolkien to a level never dreamed possible while sticking true to the story and pacing them beautifully.  Why other directors can’t follow suit is beyond me.  These days they feel the need to bombard their audiences with quick/random cuts, grand swooping shots from the sky, and random scenarios that seem to say “hey, what do ya think of this?”.  Sadly, the 2011 take on the classic epic Conan: The Barbarian did just that.

Celebrating 20 Years Of Hillarity, Hair-balls, and Hoek

That’s right  folks, it was 20 years ago today that Canadian animator/maniac John Kricfalusi warped the minds of 10-12 year olds across the globe.  Never before had toilet humor and outlandish violence been captured so beautifully as it was with the help of an asthma-hound chihuahua and a semi-retarded cat.  But if it wasn’t for the disturbing nonsensical chaos that Ren & Stimpy provided, I probably wouldn’t be the jolly ole Viking that I am today.

Song Of The Day: 6/20/2011

“Weird Al” Yankovic:  Perform This Way

I’ve always been more of an old-school Al fan.  Even though his recent albums are funny as all hell, I still don’t dig the bands he’s been parodying.  But this new video makes my nostalgic heart feel like it’s stuck in a closet with Vanna White every time I hear this killer new shit from that lanky madman with the curly hair.  He managed to rock my face off and disturb me for life all in the span of 15 seconds.  Well played good sir.   Well played.

New Terminator Trailer

It’s going to be hard for them to top T2, but if you ask me this T-X looks to be one bad ass mother eff.

Caught In The Middle: An “X-Men:First Class” Review

One would assume that since MARVEL now has the power to make their own films they’d be able to make flawless comic book movies.  Not so.  Many would simply forget about the Fantastic Four flub, Ghost Rider‘s gaffe, and Electra‘s err…not me.  A good handful of spot on renditions have come to the screen to prove that it can be done correctly.  It just sucks when someone only goes half way.  I just didn’t think the people behind X-Men:  First Class would be in that category.

Song Of The Day: 5/20/2011

“Macho Man” Randy Savage:  Speaking from the Heart

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!!

Pour One Out For: “Macho Man” Randy Savage 11/15/1953 – 5/20/2011

While a slew of morons are plastering religious nonsense all over the internet, some rather shocking information elbow-dropped me into my own religious experience….and not in a good way.  It seems the greatest, most meticulous, professional wrestler has signed his contract to wrestle for eternity in the halls of Valhalla.  Today, “Macho Man” Randy Savage passed away.  TMZ has all the details that are known as of now.