The Hobbit: A Most Expected Face-Melting

December 21, 2011

It certainly makes my nerd balls swell to know that this film finally got it’s shit together.  Let’s just hope we get to see it before that 2012 prediction comes to fruition.  Damn Mayans.  They should just buy a new damn calendar, if you ask me.  Those things are quite cheap and have cute pictures of cats doing adorable things on them.

Halloween In April: “The Worst Witch” Review

April 20, 2010

Halloween has become an annual event where sluts need not be ashamed of their sluttish ways, muscle-heads dawn lame outfits that range from a beer keg to a pimp, and nerds can safely walk the streets in their LARPing gear without fear of wedgies.  The true spirit of that wonderful holiday has been lost to daytime trick-or-treating, corporate candy-making curmudgeons, as well as a complete lack of costume creativity.  But things weren’t always like this. Read the rest of this entry »

Drill-Bit Lobotomy: The “Shutter Island” Review

March 20, 2010

WOW. What a mind-fuck!!! As if I didn’t have enough to deal with when it comes to mental people at my work, now there’s psycho cinematic bullshit to juggle with.  And I’m on my damn vacation!

SHUTTER ISLAND is a film to be reckoned with, and I don’t mean in that old-school “hey-let’s-make-a-movie-about-mental-hospitals” way.  OH no. There are many levels to this movie. Read the rest of this entry »

Pour One Out For: Howard Zinn 8/24/1922 – 1/27/2010

January 29, 2010

written by guest author:  “Professor” John Peabody

Very few people outside of the halls of academia have probably ever heard of Howard Zinn. A professor emeritus of history at Boston University, Zinn suffered a heart attack on the 27th of January in 2010. He died. Nothing greatly exciting about that. Death is boring, except the fact that a person shits their pants when they die. Poop jokes are still funny no matter what age a person is. Read the rest of this entry »

Thursday Throwbacks: 10/8/09

October 8, 2009


As children, most of us had the funtastic experience of waiting in long lines, ascending many ramps/stairs, with the soul purpose of getting strapped tightly into seats that were attached to metallic death mobiles.  The “fun” came when these death mobiles slowly pulled you up gargantuan hills of wood/metal, gave you a split second flash of your rather short life, then sent you rocketing to your doom down the other side (at speeds that challenge The Flash) while tossing hair-pin turns (and more hills) in your path before safely returning you to your nervous parents. Read the rest of this entry »

Day Of The Desert Planet

August 14, 2009


After many rumors and much anticipation, Wizards Of The Coast has announced the next campaign setting for the 4th Edition of Dungeons & Dragons.  A world of barren wastelands, rampant psionics and power hungry sorcerer-kings await us in the treacherous world of Dark Sun: Read the rest of this entry »

Harry Potter And The Half Blood Defender

July 15, 2009

It was a warm, ominous, summer’s evening.  Dark clouds eerily crept across the onyx sky, offsetting the rays of moonlight that showed the path to our hero.  His day was full of adventure, battle, and feasting, but was far from it’s end.  There was one more task at hand for the mighty warrior.  An event of epic proportions was set to take place, and he was determined to be apart of it, no matter the cost.  For this was the night when Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince burst forth from the realm of Hollywood.  The night when thousands of children got to say up WAY past their bed time.


Six down, one to go.  Only one more book is left in the Harry Potter series.  One more book for movie magicians to cast Avada Kedavra on, continuing a murderous rampage that only Lord Voldemort would look at and say “damn…that was harsh!”. Read the rest of this entry »

“New Moon” Poster

May 20, 2009


This one’s for all of those folk who find emo, art-school, vampires sexy.

Conan O’Brien x James Ellroy

April 29, 2009

Every few months, I YouTube James Ellroy, my favorite writer of contemporary crime fiction. I do this not only because his books always leave me in awe, but also because he’s crass, hilarious, brutally honest, and usually mentions the size of his cock. When making public appearances, he leads with:

Good evening peepers, prowlers, pederasts, panty-sniffers, punks and pimps. I’m James Ellroy, the demon dog, the foul owl with the death growl, the white knight of the far right, and the slick trick with the donkey dick. I’m the author of 16 books, masterpieces all; they precede all my future masterpieces. These books will leave you reamed, steamed and drycleaned, tie-dyed, swept to the side, true-blued, tattooed and bah fongooed. These are books for the whole fuckin’ family, if the name of your family is the Manson Family.

It doesn’t get much better than that, folks. Today I came across these two gems from Conan O’Brien. In the above clip – featuring Dave Chappelle – Ellroy is on to promote Crime Wave. He doesn’t mention the book, put he manages to discuss the size of Conan’s cock (“like a mosquito”), insults Bill Clinton, explains his idea for an equal opportunity Ku Klux Klan, and tells a story about a T-Bird induced alcoholic blackout. By the end, Chappelle states, “This is like the most awesome experience of my career.”

Then hit the jump to see an interview from ’97 where Ellroy explains how he would leave creepy messages on Russell Crowe’s answering machine and his affinity for wearing sweaters made from the pubic hair of yaks. And if you’re interested in his work, I recommend starting out with his autobiography, My Dark Places. He never goes soft on you.

gallery-pockets-james-ell-005 Read the rest of this entry »

New-ish “Harry Potter: H.B.P.” Trailer

April 29, 2009


With the epic disappointment that was Harry Potter:  And the Order of the Phoenix, The Half-Blood Prince seems promising.  Maybe the director will stray from the story a tad so that Harry and his gang whip out their Proton Packs to dish out some serious hurt on those Dementors.  Then again, Ron could just play a Quidditch match and scare them off with his amazing Weasley skills. Read the rest of this entry »

Pour One Out For: Dave Arneson 10/1/47 – 4/7/09

April 16, 2009


Gamers, LARPers, and pimple cream enthusiasts world over have one more reason to hate their lives.  On April 7th, the remaining half of the D&D creators joined his partner in the place where games never end.  Dave Arneson has passed away after botching his saving throw against cancer. Read the rest of this entry »

Suicide While Watching “WATCHMEN”

April 8, 2009


While poking around the interwebs before work last night, I stumbled across a small, but powerful, bit of nerd news.  Since its release on March 6th, WATCHMEN hasn’t been living up to the hype (as sad as it is for me to report).  Either super fans didn’t like the cinematic translation, or angry parents flipped out after bringing their children to a film with lots of sex and waist hot dogs.  It seems one moviegoer took the phrase “die-hard fan” a little too seriously. Read the rest of this entry »

Crazy Crap: 4/6/09

April 6, 2009


There are a lot of seriously creative people on this rock.  Some have a nack for pumpkin carving, while others like to build things with matchsticks.  Patrick Acton happens to be one of the latter, and is currently embarking on a project of epic proportions.  He has decided to craft a replica of Minas Tirith from J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings Trilogy, putting all haters to shame in the process. Read the rest of this entry »

Thursday Throwbacks: 4/2/09

April 2, 2009


It’s been two weeks of happy-dappy, fun-time, makes me wanna puke, sweet cartoons.  Time for a show that’s all about fighting, muscles, star-metal weapons, and being all the bar-fucking-barian you can be.  A show that took what Arnold Schwarzenegger made amazing, then rammed more snakes and sorcery down our throats.  He’s a grumpy bastard with no time for petty things like diplomacy, or manners, or good hygiene.  A man of legend, myth, and mayhem, he is Conan: The Adventurer. Read the rest of this entry »

“Get Happy” With Anne Hathaway

March 25, 2009


News around the Variety water cooler is that Anne Hathaway will be portraying Judy Garland in the film version of Get Happy: The Life of Judy Garland.  If she can pull this off (like there’s any doubt) there’s a buff golden man in her future.  Here’s what Variety had to say about what’s causing Oh Mars to hold his books at belt level: Read the rest of this entry »

“Angels & Demons” Poster

March 25, 2009


Gotta love these new poster themes.  This one looks like the photographer was calling to his buddy over the crowd, but Tom Hanks turned thinking the camera guy was trying to get his attention.  He has that “You talkin’ to me?!” expression on his face, but I’m not buying it.  He’s Tom Fuck Hanks!  He couldn’t even win a fight with John Heard over the rules of racket ball!

Trailer For “Where The Wild Things Are”

March 25, 2009


Gigantic hair covered behemoths rule, and we have The Muppet Show to thank.  Seeing huge goofy monsters stumble around can make anybody laugh, no matter their age.  That being said, on October 16th we are in for a roaring good time.  Where The Wild Things Are will be stomping from theater to theater in hopes to unleash the beast in us all. Read the rest of this entry »

“Where The Wild Things Are” Screen Shots

March 24, 2009


All that comes to mind when I think of Where The Wild Things Are is a bunch of Cowardly Lion wanna-bees chasing after a kid in his animal pjs that have a zipper caught on the fabric.  I couldn’t tell you what the book is about to save my life, since the thing was read to me at nap time in kindergarten.  In case you are a “Thing” nut, and still enjoy reading books for children, there’s a photo gallery over on the USA Today website that has stills from the highly anticipated film.  From what I can gather from the pics, the movie looks exactly how I remember the book.


March 23, 2009

Being one who owns the book, and has seen the film twice, I have had conversations with friends that were almost a mirror of this video.  Why anybody would see this movie without reading the book first causes many question marks to appear over my head.  All of you anti-comic-book nuts need to give this one a go.  It’s so good your head will turn inside out, then explode all over your mom’s newly cleaned carpet.

Study Takes Brits Down a Notch

March 9, 2009

Have YOU read my books?

A study conducted to coincide with Great Britain’s recognition of World Book Day revealed that 2 out of 3 Britions have lied about the books they’ve read (source).  The number one reason for lying about having read a book was to impress the person they were speaking with. The top ten books cited in the survey were:

1. 1984 – George Orwell (42 percent)

2. War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy (31)

3. Ulysses – James Joyce (25)

4. The Bible (24)

5. Madame BovaryGustave Flaubert (16)

6. A Brief History of TimeStephen Hawking (15)

7. Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie (14)

8. In Remembrance of Things PastMarcel Proust (9)

9. Dreams from My Father – Barack Obama (6)

10. The Selfish GeneRichard Dawkins (6)

I know we are all guilty of having told people we’ve done things we really haven’t (Dren, cough-cough) but maybe the British should just relax and stop trying to impress everybody. We get it. You guys are awesome. You have done some really great things as a nation and have dramatically altered western civilization.

I don’t care if you haven’t read the Bible. I mean, it’s not like that book played a significant role in your country deciding to send missionaries to all corners of the Earth.

Ah, lighten-up Britian. I’m just busting balls. You guys are great and I appreciate you’re honesty, but really, if someone sidles up to you and starts asking about your favorite volume of In Search of Lost Time or Remembrance of Things Past it’s perfectly fine to say you’ve never read it. In fact, it may get you out of having to sit through a very awkward conversation where you have keep up the appearance of having read the book. Those are just awful.