“Alien Vs. Hunter” = Totally Unwatchable….Literally

May 21, 2013

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(the tagline says: “Battlezone: EARTH”…like it matters)

Wow.  This is a first.  I have never in my life come across a movie that is such a blatant ripoff.  Really?  Alien Vs. Hunter?  They couldn’t even come up with a vaguely different name?  We’re witnessing a new form of lazy which requires a whole new word.  I mean, who in the hell did they think they were fooling?  They almost got me.  Almost.  Thankfully, they have a crackerjack team of writers over at Netflix.  What they came up with for a synopsis is pure gold: Read the rest of this entry »


Meh At The End Of The Street

May 19, 2013

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There really isn’t all that much to do when you’re working the graveyard shift.  Reading books and channel surfing tends to play a huge part in the down-time.  But ever since Netflix became available to me, via my phone and other media, I’ve been privy to the seemingly endless supply of mediocre movies they’ve acquired.  Tonight I took the Netflix wheel o’ wonders for a spin and was rewarded with indifference.  Ladies and gentlemen, here are my thoughts on House at the End of the Street. Read the rest of this entry »


“Jennifer’s Body” Puts The SUCK In Succubus

April 21, 2011

Waiting for the hype of new films to die out is kind of my thing.  I stress out enough thinking about how much of my gut is sticking out of the bottom of my t-shirt, so spending two hours in a packed theater with hormone riddled high schoolers and overly excited nerds is something I can do without.  Every now and then a film gets released that requires me to dawn my armor and venture forth, but Jennifer’s Body wasn’t one of ’em. Read the rest of this entry »


Strike A Poster, Steve Rogers!

March 14, 2011

I guess ole Cap will be taking a little side-quest to Silent Hill at some point.  I’d totally watch that.


New “THOR” Poster

December 13, 2010

That does it.  It’s time for me to lawyer up and make these pricks stop snapping candid shots of me.  Like, seriously.  All they had to do was ask.  I could’ve given them a much more bad-ass pose than this.  Something tells me I won’t even get any cash for them using my likeness.  But if this film makes people smile and praise the Gods, I’ll be fine with that.


5 Most Underrated Horror Flix

October 29, 2010

Halloween time has snapped its rotting head in our direction, and boy is my DVD collection running for the hills.  While most people are torturing their young with new and horrific ways to cram them into mom-made animal/object/food costumes, I’m busy mutilating my horror movie section for a night of gore-filled bliss. Read the rest of this entry »


New “Tron Legacy” Poster

October 20, 2010

Let’s see how many different funny things I can come up with about this poster: Read the rest of this entry »