RobotBitesMan is semi-daily, semi-informative blog covering everything we think is funny, cool, and shitty. We are powered by WordPress and the tears of children. Never on schedule, always on time.
– Robot Roll Call –
Oh Mars is a NJ native living in Salem, MA. He founded RBM in August of 2008 in order to keep his mind off his real job. He wants to be a personal assitant to Jason Statham when he grows up. When he was 15, he went to a camp in central PA and “held it in” for three days until he found a private bathroom in the nurse’s office. He thinks it’s funny to pretend that he’s blind. He thinks it’s even funnier to pretend that stairs are slippery when they’re not. On rollercoasters, he makes believe that he’s an X-Wing pilot at the Battle of Yavin. He also contributes to the MishkaNYC blog and ToplessRobot.com, where he feels more appreciated. If you are single, not taller than Oh Mars, and living in the North Shore area, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. No gay shit.
Defender669 burst forth into this world in Salem, MA at the dawn of the ’80’s, but now resides in Danvers. He was recruited by Lord Oh Mars in August of ’08 to lend his Viking skills to the glory that is RBM. His specialties include (in no particular order): reviewing/dismembering the cheesiest of horror movies, ramming nostalgia down the throats of the forgetfull, informing cyber psychos of up and coming shows/concerts, and downing obscene amounts of whisky to help fuel his power cells. He once turned his back on the rock band King’s X, and gave them the finger throughout their entire set. When not rocking or researching entertainment news, Defender enjoys steeling the souls of his friends and family, then plastering them online (taking pictures). He can be spotted at Dodge Street Bar and Grill every now and then, head spinning like a propellar.
Probot8 was an English rock musician, singer, writer, songwriter, artist, actor and peace activist who gained worldwide fame as one of the founding members of The Beatles. Probot along with Paul McCartney formed one of the most influential and successful songwriting partnerships and “wrote some of the most popular music in rock and roll history”. Probot revealed his rebellious nature and wit on television, in films such as A Hard Day’s Night, in books such as In His Own Write, and in press conferences and interviews. He was controversial through his work as a peace activist, artist, and author.
FrontRoe, hailing from some northern part of Finland, has been adopted by the neighboring western Scandinavian countries because she’s just that damn cool. Recruited by Defender669 because of her godly abilities to rock the men in the front row out of her way and make them cry like children as they run away in shame. If life isn’t a party, no one told her. When being metal takes up less than half her ram (she is always at least 49% metal), she studies Early Medieval Scandinavian Archaeology, Finland and Museum Studies, practices Finnish and Norwegian, gardens, drums, plays World of Warcraft or some other form of Blizzard crack, volunteers at art museums, models, sings, and cooks lihamurekepiiras for her trusted companions.
AmbularNubular: Nerd-girl extraordinaire, metal enthusiast, horror aficionado, travel addict, gaming goddess and just plain dorky, freckled ginger kid. Reared by the geeky clan known has her family, she was exposed to Star Trek, Nintendo, braces and sci-fi novels at an early age thus preventing her from ever sitting at the “popular table.” Miss Nubular was discovered by Defender 669 wasting time and web space with blog posts about totally random 80’s and 90’s nostalgia. It was agreed that the wasted web space could be put to better use on a cozy little blog known as RBM. Ambular spends her free time kicking ass (because she’s all outta bubble gum) and taking names in classic fighters and Tetris, she once beat her boyfriend 10 times in a row at Tetris on a flight to Germany. Ambular can often be found in the Battlegrounds and dungeons of Azeroth. Her guild is known to have a history of severe and unadulterated violence toward members of the Alliance.