Trailer for “ROBOCOP 2014”: Your Move, Creep.

September 6, 2013


Well I’ll be damned.  They actually went through with it.  They’ve gone and remade yet another movie from our childhood.  I thought this one was just going to be another rumor that would fizzle out.  Nope.  This is for real, folks.  ROBOCOP got remade….and we have the trailer. Read the rest of this entry »

“Evil Dead” Remake Red Band Trailer

October 24, 2012

Welp…I’m gonna go kill myself.


April 4, 2011

Originally I thought this was just going to be a re-telling of my favorite childhood cartoon.  I was bullshit when I thought Lion-O was going to stay looking as a child.  But if this is what I think, and it’s taking place well after the T-Cats have crashed on 3rd Earth, I’m going to be one happy Reptilian.  This looks amazing.

Update: Read the rest of this entry »

“Night Of The Demons” 2009: Worst Party EVER!

January 6, 2011

Oh baby Lilly Munster…ain’t got nothin’ on you!

Well, I finally did it.  I got to such an extreme level of boredom that I willingly watched the Night of the Demons remake.  Either this was just a very dull Wednesday, or there is something seriously wrong with my brain.  That’s it.  I’ve gone mental.  Read the rest of this entry »

New Image From The “Fright Night” Remake

September 6, 2010

So this time around Peter Vincent is a saiyan?  I don’t remember Roddy McDowall being able to fire energy balls, do you?

Poster For Night Of The Demons: A Remake

August 31, 2010

There’s only one proper thing to say about this….EAT A BOWL OF FUCK!

Rob Zombie’s “HALLOWEEN 2”: I’d Rather Watch “THE BEING”

June 5, 2010

I just pissed away 2 damn hours watching this crap, and I still have no damn clue what I just watched.  The only thing I understood was that I love when hot girls show their boobs.  Thanks for sucking my life away, Rob Zombie.  Your terrible use of unnecessary symbolism, crappy plastering of celebrity cameos, and utter lack of any sort of story truly made my Saturday afternoon.

P.S. – Since when could Loomis teleport?

Official Trailer For “The Karate Kid” Remake

January 17, 2010

Like every other remake of ’80s themed movies, this is an atrocity.  Having Jackie Chan play Mr. Miyagi is just one of the many things that set my brain cells on fire.  Taking a beloved classic like The Karate Kid, lacing it with hip-hop and inventing new layered training exercises, doesn’t make you a cleaver writer/director.  Neither does changing a teen with a massive chip on his shoulder into a thug from the hood.  I will be watching the REAL Karate Kid all day and night in protest.

“Clash Of The Titans” Trailer

November 12, 2009

I hate to admit it, but this actually looks quite fantastic.  I can’t wait to see what the Kraken looks like.

“A Nightmare On Elm Street” Teaser Trailer = Hot Damn!

September 29, 2009

Why can’t all remakes look this orgasmic?  This movie is finally taking the Freddy films back to what they originally were…FUCKING TERRIFYING.  I am speachless right now.

February Breeds Furious Furballs

August 26, 2009

When I first found out about this new take on The Wolfman, I was so mad that I could actually see the steam tea-kettling it’s way out of my skull.  Remakes have been the bane of my existence and continue to fester in my system, much like a Bot Fly larvae.  They irritate the skin, cause red painful welts, feast upon the flesh from the inside out, and require suffocation to be expelled from the host.  But when I think about The Wolfman getting millenniumized, I watch the trailer and my train of thought seems to start listing lazily to the left.  It appears this remake is heading  in the proper direction.  Read the rest of this entry »

Remake Of The Navigator

May 27, 2009


In a world where only the coolest of movie studios have taken the best parts of my childhood and run them through the remake meat grinder, one studio has felt like the kindergarten paste eater that dreams of being apart of the “it” crowd.  Well it seems that day has come for the sticky fingered execs at Disney.  Having already ruined the classic Escape to Witch Mountain, Disney has decided to give the shocker to Flight of the Navigator.  From THR: Read the rest of this entry »

Defender’s Day At The Movies: 2/13/09

February 13, 2009

Rays of sunlight bounced off the tightly joined links of chain surrounding the warrior’s chest.  His muscles tensed as he fiercely tightened his boot straps, and attached the stud covered bracers around his wrists.  With a final clamp, the warrior’s blood spattered breast plate was fastened into place, like it had so many times before.  Axe in hand, shield at the ready, and horned helmet rock solid on head, the warrior exhaled with trepidation.  For today was a day for battle.  Today was a day for true courage.  Today was the day Defender went to see the remake of Friday the 13th.


Read the rest of this entry »

Different Bay To Direct “Nightmare” Re-Make

February 13, 2009


Even though the thought of an Elm Street re-make causes my brain to hemorrhage, knowing that Michael Bay is no longer directing it eases the pooling blood in my skull. /Film discovered that Samuel Bayer will be the conductor of this disaster train, and it still looks like an inevitable derailment is in store. Bayer’s directing “skills” have only been for projects lasting a mighty 2-5 minutes. That’s right. He’s a music video director. The only way he could make Nightmare on Elm Street any better would be if he directed Dokken’s “Dream Warriors”. Then I could at least walk into this atrocity with a mildly open mind.

(just because that video is super sweet)

Jaden Smith Confirmed For Worst Idea Ever; Karate Kid Remake

November 11, 2008


C’mon with the baby browns.

Variety reports that Jaden Smith (son of rapper Will Smith) has been confirmed for a remake of Karate Kid, which has been “refashioned as a star vehicle for Jaden Smith.” The original is one of my favorite movies of all time and starred Ralph Macchio, a baby-faced Long Island native who nailed the role of Daniel LaRusso, a smart-ass cynic from Newark. Before Karate Kid, Macchio was getting the shit kicked out of him by a gang of Socs in The Outsiders; he’s a straight-up scrappy looking kid in both roles. Jaden Smith is a ten year old from LA. who looks like he can get field-goal-kicked out a window by a 15 year old girl. His only other roles are as Will Smith’s son in Pursuit of Happiness and in the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still. ‘Ho boy.

The script is being written by Chris Murphy, and the film will shoot next year in Beijing and other cities. While the new film will be set in that exotic locale, it will borrow elements of the original plot, wherein a bullied youth learns to stand up for himself with the help of an eccentric mentor.

Last year, when rumors first started surfacing about this remake, the talk was that Jackie Chan was slated to play the “eccentric mentor.” Jerry Weintraub, the producer of the original Karate Kid Trilogy (The Next Karate Kid doesn’t exist in my book), will also be producing the remake. His IMDB page also reports Weintraub to be producer of the remake of Westworld, one of the funnest sci-fi movies of the 70s (directed by Michael Crichton!). If anyone needs me, I’ll be crying in the corner, questioning my faith in humanity.

Official “Friday The 13th” Re-make Trailer

October 26, 2008

BOOOOOOOOOOO!  Why in the FUCK was Jason RUNNING?!  BULL SHIT!  That’s what this movie is, total BULL SHIT!

Friday The 13th Remake Poster

September 9, 2008

Does anyone remember there being a hockey mask in the first Friday the 13th?  I sure as fuck don’t.

The Day The Earth Stood Stupid

September 9, 2008

Here’s the poster for the completly, totaly, and seriously un-needed remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still:

Why Gort…..Why?