The late 80’s and early 90’s were a great time to be a kid. Computer generated effects were in their infancy, the Nintendo Entertainment System was at its peak, and many awesomely-bad sci-fi movies were being pumped out like no tomorrow. My favorite brand of those films were the ones based around video games that tried to kill the players for real. Just think about it. What if Nintendo had the cojones to instal crazy military programing into Robbie The Robot? Gyromite would’ve been a hell of a lot more difficult, I tell ya what. I’ll do you one better. What if Q from Star Trek: TNG was responsible for programing and designing the robot? We’d be in for a world of shit. EVOLVER is about that very thing. Read the rest of this entry »
Welp…I’m gonna go kill myself.
Since most dopes think this is a sequel/remake, I’m not as bothered as I should be (mostly due to the fact that I have a brain in my head and know my Carpenter movies). Even the fact that it was created by the same shit-heads that made the atrocious Dawn of the Dead remake hasn’t deterred me. This looks like it’s going to be fantastic as hell. Read the rest of this entry »
That’s right folks, it was 20 years ago today that Canadian animator/maniac John Kricfalusi warped the minds of 10-12 year olds across the globe. Never before had toilet humor and outlandish violence been captured so beautifully as it was with the help of an asthma-hound chihuahua and a semi-retarded cat. But if it wasn’t for the disturbing nonsensical chaos that Ren & Stimpy provided, I probably wouldn’t be the jolly ole Viking that I am today. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s going to be hard for them to top T2, but if you ask me this T-X looks to be one bad ass mother eff.
“Macho Man” Randy Savage: Speaking from the Heart
Remembering things that half the world forgot is one of my many mutant powers (being able to spot a female nipple in one frame of a movie is another one). Friends contact me at all hours of the night when they get stuck trying to remember something from their child hood, and 90% of the time I have the answer. It’s that fiendish 10% that gets under my skin. Every now and then my brain only shows me a few images of things that I should know instantly. That REEEALLY pisses me off. But I’m a very patient man. I know that if I wait long enough (and drink enough booze) the veil will be lifted and the knowledge will be mine. Today’s “Throwback” took me over 20 damn years, mostly due to a word that will forever haunt me…..PHOTON. Read the rest of this entry »
ManOwaR: Thor The Powerhead
Since I’ll be going to see THOR on the big screen in a few short hours, there was no other song I could think of to get me pumped enough to slay a few dozen Frost Giants.
Originally I thought this was just going to be a re-telling of my favorite childhood cartoon. I was bullshit when I thought Lion-O was going to stay looking as a child. But if this is what I think, and it’s taking place well after the T-Cats have crashed on 3rd Earth, I’m going to be one happy Reptilian. This looks amazing.
Update: Read the rest of this entry »
Limahl – Never Ending Story
As if I wasn’t already feeling quite epic today, this song just amplifies the epicness.
About two weeks ago I was sitting with one of my clients at the hospital. He was back to his normal self, but wouldn’t stop making the loud noises he likes to make. So, in an effort to calm my brain, I strapped on my headphones and cranked the Type-O Negative (a gothic/doom/thrash/heavy metal band from Brooklyn). Read the rest of this entry »
“I won’t allow it!”
Bad movies are something of a common occurrence. Some fade away into nothingness (as they should), while most get sent up to the Satellite of Love for some questionable experiments. Very few find a cult following, but are forever inducted in the “it’s so bad it’s awesome” hall of fame. Troll 2 happens to be the mother of all awesomely bad movies. Read the rest of this entry »
Making it as a band isn’t easy. It’s even harder to make it when you’re a fearsome foursome of foxy femmes. But when your lead singer bounces so she can make it on her own, then dies in a most brutal accident, the chances of you making it are near impossible. Not entirely impossible, though. There’s a few things you can do to assure your chances of total make-age. It’ll only cost you 80 minutes of your time, and a good chunk of your soul. Read the rest of this entry »
Tonight’s the night we all get super tanked and pass out early so that Santa can deliver his presents. But before he makes his way to Earth, he needs to make a pit stop at a planet similar to ours. A great evil named Horde Prime has learned of the Spirit of Christmas, fearing that it just might be the only thing powerful enough to stop him. Guys like that make me want to kick them in the jingle balls. Read the rest of this entry »
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation: Christmas Vacation
Hip hip hooray for Christmas vacation!
Come on, get up, and quit your nappin’! It’s a crazy, messed-up place, where anything can happen! There’s a chair that freakin’ talks (HEY LOOK!), there’s some fish that give advice (HOLY CRAP!)! It’s screwy…at Pee-Wee’s playhouse!
That place really is nuts; I know, cuz I’ve been there a few times. But when Christmas time rolls around, some wild shit happens. Read the rest of this entry »
His name is Shumway. Gordon Shumway. He is a refugee from the terrible explosion of planet Melmac (a quaint little rock, once located six parsecs past the Hydra-Centaurus Supercluster). Many of his customs are strange to us, like Fappiano and National Rag On The Martians day. Christmas is one of ours that he can’t quite grasp. Read the rest of this entry »
BATMAN The Animated Series: Christmas With The Joker
HEY! The Joker’s not suppose to know that song! That’s OUR song! And how in the hell did the guards at Arkham let a rocket-tree slip by their ever watchful eyes?