The late 80’s and early 90’s were a great time to be a kid. Computer generated effects were in their infancy, the Nintendo Entertainment System was at its peak, and many awesomely-bad sci-fi movies were being pumped out like no tomorrow. My favorite brand of those films were the ones based around video games that tried to kill the players for real. Just think about it. What if Nintendo had the cojones to instal crazy military programing into Robbie The Robot? Gyromite would’ve been a hell of a lot more difficult, I tell ya what. I’ll do you one better. What if Q from Star Trek: TNG was responsible for programing and designing the robot? We’d be in for a world of shit. EVOLVER is about that very thing. Read the rest of this entry »
So, it’s that time of year, again, when we get to see a dirty, half-drunk Santa dressed up and ringing a bell outside of the local shopping centers in honor of the Salvation Army. Before you reach into your pocket and pull out that handful of change and pocket lint, take a minute to read this post! If you are like me, then you want to do what you can to help change the world, but at the same time, you don’t want to help make it suck more. While the Salvation Army has helped out many many people, they have also turned their backs on many people in need… for instance: THE ENTIRE GAY COMMUNITY! That’s right, I said it. The Salvation Army is anti-homosexuality! Now, put that change back in your pocket! I have done my homework and have located lots of other charities where your money would be much more appreciated, such as Habitat For Humanity (which has a Christian background, but discriminates against no one).
That’s right folks, it was 20 years ago today that Canadian animator/maniac John Kricfalusi warped the minds of 10-12 year olds across the globe. Never before had toilet humor and outlandish violence been captured so beautifully as it was with the help of an asthma-hound chihuahua and a semi-retarded cat. But if it wasn’t for the disturbing nonsensical chaos that Ren & Stimpy provided, I probably wouldn’t be the jolly ole Viking that I am today. Read the rest of this entry »
“Weird Al” Yankovic: Perform This Way
I’ve always been more of an old-school Al fan. Even though his recent albums are funny as all hell, I still don’t dig the bands he’s been parodying. But this new video makes my nostalgic heart feel like it’s stuck in a closet with Vanna White every time I hear this killer new shit from that lanky madman with the curly hair. He managed to rock my face off and disturb me for life all in the span of 15 seconds. Well played good sir. Well played.
“Macho Man” Randy Savage: Speaking from the Heart
Alice Cooper: He’s Back (The Man Behind The Mask)
How could I let a Friday the 13th slip by without listening to this song? Sure it’s from one of the lesser Friday movies, but you simply can’t ignore how awesomely amazing this tune is.
Remembering things that half the world forgot is one of my many mutant powers (being able to spot a female nipple in one frame of a movie is another one). Friends contact me at all hours of the night when they get stuck trying to remember something from their child hood, and 90% of the time I have the answer. It’s that fiendish 10% that gets under my skin. Every now and then my brain only shows me a few images of things that I should know instantly. That REEEALLY pisses me off. But I’m a very patient man. I know that if I wait long enough (and drink enough booze) the veil will be lifted and the knowledge will be mine. Today’s “Throwback” took me over 20 damn years, mostly due to a word that will forever haunt me…..PHOTON. Read the rest of this entry »
ManOwaR: Thor The Powerhead
Since I’ll be going to see THOR on the big screen in a few short hours, there was no other song I could think of to get me pumped enough to slay a few dozen Frost Giants.
By now, most of you know that the jerkface who caused 911 was killed last night. The government would have you believe it was due to a bullet in the brain by a special ops dude. Close. The bullet was actually a 2×4 and the special ops dude was Hacksaw Jim Duggan. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Originally I thought this was just going to be a re-telling of my favorite childhood cartoon. I was bullshit when I thought Lion-O was going to stay looking as a child. But if this is what I think, and it’s taking place well after the T-Cats have crashed on 3rd Earth, I’m going to be one happy Reptilian. This looks amazing.
Update: Read the rest of this entry »
Limahl – Never Ending Story
As if I wasn’t already feeling quite epic today, this song just amplifies the epicness.
About two weeks ago I was sitting with one of my clients at the hospital. He was back to his normal self, but wouldn’t stop making the loud noises he likes to make. So, in an effort to calm my brain, I strapped on my headphones and cranked the Type-O Negative (a gothic/doom/thrash/heavy metal band from Brooklyn). Read the rest of this entry »
Tonight’s the night we all get super tanked and pass out early so that Santa can deliver his presents. But before he makes his way to Earth, he needs to make a pit stop at a planet similar to ours. A great evil named Horde Prime has learned of the Spirit of Christmas, fearing that it just might be the only thing powerful enough to stop him. Guys like that make me want to kick them in the jingle balls. Read the rest of this entry »
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation: Christmas Vacation
Hip hip hooray for Christmas vacation!
Come on, get up, and quit your nappin’! It’s a crazy, messed-up place, where anything can happen! There’s a chair that freakin’ talks (HEY LOOK!), there’s some fish that give advice (HOLY CRAP!)! It’s screwy…at Pee-Wee’s playhouse!
That place really is nuts; I know, cuz I’ve been there a few times. But when Christmas time rolls around, some wild shit happens. Read the rest of this entry »
His name is Shumway. Gordon Shumway. He is a refugee from the terrible explosion of planet Melmac (a quaint little rock, once located six parsecs past the Hydra-Centaurus Supercluster). Many of his customs are strange to us, like Fappiano and National Rag On The Martians day. Christmas is one of ours that he can’t quite grasp. Read the rest of this entry »
No man in the history of Sitcom Land takes their neighborhood decorating contest more serious than Tim Taylor. Everything from “The Three Wise Tool Guys”, to a full sized electric Tim, has a well thought out spot on his roof. But not everything is all “Holly Jolly” in the Taylor household this year. It seems the old proctologist across the street has found a way to go decoration for decoration, illuminating his place with near identical ornaments before The Tool Man can set up his. What a Scrooge McFuck. Read the rest of this entry »
The Year Without A Santa Claus: Snow Miser/Heat Miser
Outside my window is a world of frozen misery to some, winter wonderfulness to others. Remind me to drop a line to Heat Miser. His brother needs to be smacked.
Everyone knows that it’s not the house with the most expensive decorations that makes the holiday season memorable, it’s the tackiest. Nobody wants to see a mansion engulfed in nothing but white “icicle” lights, 50 foot white tree in the “family room” that no one is allowed to sit in, family from across the country laughing and cavorting, with the kitchen staff of 30 readying the annual holiday fish with all the trimmings. That’s not what Christmas is all about. Christmas should be about stringing up empty beer cans, waiting until Christmas Eve to steal a 6 foot/half dead tree from the “closed ’till next year” lot down the street, all while mom and her sisters argue about how to ready a fat 45 pound turkey for it’s date with the oven. Ah, memories. Read the rest of this entry »