Trailer for “ROBOCOP 2014”: Your Move, Creep.

September 6, 2013


Well I’ll be damned.  They actually went through with it.  They’ve gone and remade yet another movie from our childhood.  I thought this one was just going to be another rumor that would fizzle out.  Nope.  This is for real, folks.  ROBOCOP got remade….and we have the trailer. Read the rest of this entry »

“Alien Vs. Hunter” = Totally Unwatchable….Literally

May 21, 2013


(the tagline says: “Battlezone: EARTH”…like it matters)

Wow.  This is a first.  I have never in my life come across a movie that is such a blatant ripoff.  Really?  Alien Vs. Hunter?  They couldn’t even come up with a vaguely different name?  We’re witnessing a new form of lazy which requires a whole new word.  I mean, who in the hell did they think they were fooling?  They almost got me.  Almost.  Thankfully, they have a crackerjack team of writers over at Netflix.  What they came up with for a synopsis is pure gold: Read the rest of this entry »

Defender Discusses “DAYBREAKERS”

October 24, 2012

Let’s face it, vampires have been done to death these days.  Everything from turning them into sparkly sissies, giving them an HBO series, and having them go toe-to-toe with a former president has been churned out of tinsel-town lately.  Frankly, I’m sick of it.  They’re everywhere these days and they totally suck…and not in the awesome way.  I was beginning to lose hope that there would never be a truly great vampire movie again.  DAYBREAKERS changed all that. Read the rest of this entry »

“Evil Dead” Remake Red Band Trailer

October 24, 2012

Welp…I’m gonna go kill myself.

The Hobbit: A Most Expected Face-Melting

December 21, 2011

It certainly makes my nerd balls swell to know that this film finally got it’s shit together.  Let’s just hope we get to see it before that 2012 prediction comes to fruition.  Damn Mayans.  They should just buy a new damn calendar, if you ask me.  Those things are quite cheap and have cute pictures of cats doing adorable things on them.

BANEs, Bats, & Cats: Trailer For “The Dark Knight Rises”

December 21, 2011

By now the entire world has been made aware of this trailer’s existence.  But I am mostly to blame for the lack of promptness and all around good humor that you all have come to expect from RBM.  Lots of booze and not enough sleep will cause such problems.  Read the rest of this entry »

Trapped Under Ice: Red-Band Trailer For “The Thing” Prequel

September 20, 2011

Since most dopes think this is a sequel/remake, I’m not as bothered as I should be (mostly due to the fact that I have a brain in my head and know my Carpenter movies).  Even the fact that it was created by the same shit-heads that made the atrocious Dawn of the Dead remake hasn’t deterred me.  This looks like it’s going to be fantastic as hell.  Read the rest of this entry »

11-11-11 Will Be Chalk Full Of “Immortals”

April 28, 2011

I haven’t heard anything about this movie until today.  As awesome as this looks, it pains me that they totally ripped off the ranger’s weapon from the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon.  I like to think this dude plucked it from the charred remains of Hank then had his way Sheila “the thief”.  Read the rest of this entry »

“Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes” Trailer

April 14, 2011

It’s been a good 10 years since Tim Burton grabbed the world by the scruff and drove it face-first into a steaming pile of monkey spunk that was his remake of the classic Planet of the Apes.  Some have forgiven the dreary director, but I for one have not.  Sure, his rendition was closer to the story the original that Apes was based off of.  That doesn’t give him the right to do what he did.  The stink of Paul Giamatti will never go away, despite the hours of vigorous scrubbing. Read the rest of this entry »

“X-Men: First Class” Trailer

February 14, 2011

Is it possible that someone has actually made an X-Men movie the right way?  This looks quite good.  But I thought that same thing about the Wolverine film.  Fingers, start your crossing.

Trailer For “Transformers: Dark Of The Moon”.

December 21, 2010

Am I the only one who thinks that ship looks like the Ark?  Cuz it looks a lot like the Ark.

Grown-Up/Restricted “Your Highness” Trailer

December 14, 2010

Thank you, Universe.  Once again you have created a movie that was tailor made for me and those I nerd around with.  Keep ’em coming, please.

(small request:  more Natalie Portman ass would be much appreciated.)

Trailer For “Pirates Of The Caribbean 4”: Pirate Fever

December 14, 2010

Zombies?  Hot mermaids?  High adventure?  Penelope Cruise in sexy pirate attire?  Yes, please!

Official Trailer For “THOR”

December 14, 2010

Because I’m a nerd, something important in this trailer needs to be pointed out.  Did anyone else see Odin magic Mjolnir away from Thor?  Thor is the only one strong enough to even lift that hammer; it’s a known fact.  What does this mean?  Is this the first of many mistakes that await us in this picture?  I sure hope not.  Although, Volstagg didn’t look all that “Voluminous” to me. Read the rest of this entry »

Trailer For “Black Swan”

September 1, 2010

Natalie Portman…awesome.  Mila Kunis…super awesome.  Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis in some ultra hot girl on girl action…SHAAAA-WING!

“The Crazies” Or “Another Artistic Middle Finger At The Works Of George Romero”

October 15, 2009

I would like to thank the makers of this film for dumping the equivalent of explosive diarrhea straight into my eyes.  Not only does this trailer make a monolithic mockery of Romero’s original film The Crazies, but it also felt the need to squeeze out another foul smelling nugget, time in song form.  Mad World set the tone for the ’02 pseudo sci-fi flick Donnie Darko.  That’s where it was born, and that’s where it should remain.  I don’t need some pretentious film school grad turning a classic horror/thriller movie into something sappy and artistic.  This does NOT bode well.

Defender Or “DEFENDOR”? Who Is Mightier?

September 9, 2009


Many moons ago, I posted some information regarding a little movie called DEFENDOR.  In said post, it is mentioned that this film is basically about me.  Welp, the time has come for you to see for yourselves.  A trailer for DEFENDOR has been made to prove that witch is already known….I kick ass. Read the rest of this entry »

Mario Kart Movie Madness

August 31, 2009

If Mario is truly racing in a grand prix, then we should be seeing some haunted mansions and a murderous Rainbow Road.

Tim Burton In Wonderland Trailer

July 31, 2009

As much as I lothe this remake bug that crawled up Tim Burton’s ass, I have to admit that this looks quiet awesome.  The only thing I’d change is more Helena Bonham Carter in black gothic clothing, and less Johnny Depp being Johnny Depp.

“Bronson” Trailer Will Fuck You Up

May 13, 2009

I was reading about the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde project starring Keanu Reeves (mouth fart) with Nicolas Winding Refn attatched to direct, when I asked myself, “Who the heck is Nicolas Winding Refn?” Well, he’s a Danish filmmaker who’s currently working on Valhalla Rising and the writer/director of Bronson. Synopsis:

The brutal true life story of British prisoner Charles Bronson, born Michael Gordon Peterson in 1952 to a respectable middle-class British family. Bronson has since spent almost 40 years behind bars and in solitary confinement for various offenses and is described as Britain’s most dangerous criminal.

He also poses for pictures like I do: