“Alien Vs. Hunter” = Totally Unwatchable….Literally

May 21, 2013


(the tagline says: “Battlezone: EARTH”…like it matters)

Wow.  This is a first.  I have never in my life come across a movie that is such a blatant ripoff.  Really?  Alien Vs. Hunter?  They couldn’t even come up with a vaguely different name?  We’re witnessing a new form of lazy which requires a whole new word.  I mean, who in the hell did they think they were fooling?  They almost got me.  Almost.  Thankfully, they have a crackerjack team of writers over at Netflix.  What they came up with for a synopsis is pure gold: Read the rest of this entry »

New Terminator Trailer

June 20, 2011

It’s going to be hard for them to top T2, but if you ask me this T-X looks to be one bad ass mother eff.

Super “FRIENDS” Part 2!

September 29, 2010

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, I showed you a video mash-up of The Super Friends cartoon and the 90’s hit sitcom FRIENDS.  Well here’s PART 2!! Read the rest of this entry »

Thursday Throwbacks: 5/7/09

May 7, 2009


By Defender & Oh Mars

And then, from the field of the future, a new king will come…to save the past.

Cartoons of yesteryear slay those of today, hands down.  Not only were they expertly created using the stone age technology of hand drawn animation (usually by Japanese slaves), but most of them would shield-bash your face into a brick wall by the sheer kick-assery of the theme song alone.  Others used epic brute force to bully you into total blind devotion every Saturday or Sunday morning, while some just translated into bitchin’ action figures.

I have been holding out for the right time to present this week’s Throwback for many reasons, even though requests for it bombard my sound receptors on an almost daily basis.  For you see today’s pick encompasses everything you loved about old school adventure toons, while placing a modern day team of heroes in Medieval times to boot.  Lace up your Nike brand kleets, adjust your athletic protecting cup while dawning that beat-to-shit full plate armor, and readying your preferred death dealing weapon.  Here to dish out a dose of Dark Age devastation, at long last, comes none other than King Arthur and The Knights of Justice!

Read the rest of this entry »

Crazy Crap: 4/9/09

April 10, 2009

Thanks to Chandra for creeping the ever loving hell out of me.  I will have my revenge….some how.


March 23, 2009

Being one who owns the book, and has seen the film twice, I have had conversations with friends that were almost a mirror of this video.  Why anybody would see this movie without reading the book first causes many question marks to appear over my head.  All of you anti-comic-book nuts need to give this one a go.  It’s so good your head will turn inside out, then explode all over your mom’s newly cleaned carpet.

Crazy Crap: 3/23/09

March 23, 2009

Video game graphics, action, and game play these days are seriously outrageous.  Some of these things have cut scenes that could rival some Hollywood films.  But with all games now constantly trying to one-up it’s competitor, it’s hard for many people to remember the golden age of home consoles, and how truly difficult those games were in comparison.  There’s an individual on youtube who takes the time to point out the flaws in some of Nintendo’s super frustrating games.  He’s a major fan of Rolling Rock, and has a massive temper.  He is the Angry Nintendo Nerd.

Top Gun

Read the rest of this entry »

Thursday Throwbacks: 3/12/09

March 12, 2009


Super heroes get their powers from a variety of ways.  Weather it be a radio active spider, getting bombarded with gamma rays, or taking part in a top secret government experiment, the end result is usually something spectacular.  In the case of Eric, it only took enjoying the most important meal of the day.  “For every time Eric eats a banana, an amazing transformation occurs.  Eric IS Banana Man.” Read the rest of this entry »

Crazy Crap 3/11/09

March 11, 2009

This just made me super depressed.  Here’s a dude shredding the hell out of his bass with one hand, and I can barely play “The Trooper” from Iron Maiden with the two I’ve got!  I smell an asshole, and not the stinky poo gas kind that now rests in my sad excuse for a chair.

“WATCHMEN” Get A Little Animated

March 10, 2009


Since the world has gone WATCHMEN wacky, it would make total sense if a clean cartoon was created to cater to the little kiddies.  Too bad they didn’t think of this 20 years ago.  Us ’80’s born super soldiers had the greatest cartoons of all time, and that’s a fact.  The time has come to give the next generation of human worm babies a taste of awesome, so let’s hope this show comes true.

Let’s see…what would make a good title for this show?  Teenage Mutant Night Time Watchmen?  Silk Spectre and the Holograms?  Turbo Jon?  That’s Our Comedian?  The Ozymandias and Bubastis Mystery Hour?  There are so many possibilities.  Scribble down what you think the show should be called.  Maybe if we have enough ideas, we can pitch them to a network.

Thursday Throwbacks: 3/5/09

March 5, 2009


“The future is not set.  There is not fate but what we make..” blah, blah, blah.  Anybody in their mid to late 20’s should remember that amazing message from Kyle Reese.  A man who battles time itself to try and save our robot rampaged future is somebody you respect.  But before this dope story was told to us in ’84, there was a slight fad in animation where “post apocalyptic” was tossing lame wad story ideas away like a mighty warrior in a game of Cartoon Motif King of the Mountain.  Out of the clusterfuck rose a show that stood above the rest (in my eyes at least).  Robots, monsters, and hot ass sorceress sluts were aplenty in the fantastic fantasy world of Thundarr the Barbarian: Read the rest of this entry »

Heavy Metal Monday: 3/2/09

March 2, 2009

Last night was one of the most aggravating nights at work that I’ve had in a long ass time.  I need to hear a song so heavy that my ancestors will be woken up, ready to drink this miserable day away with me.  Some Cannibal Corpse should do the trick just fine.

Cannibal Corpse – Unleashing The Bloodthirsty

After spending 11 torturous hours listening to one of my clients fake cough himself into oblivion, I needed this.  If it wasn’t for the fact that I must return to work this evening, I would get blitzed beyond belief.  I dare any of you out there to spend just ONE night at my job, then try saying that yours sucks.  You couldn’t handle the insanity.

Heavy Metal Monday: 2/23/09

February 23, 2009

This week end was quite the rock’n one.  Booze, bros, and kick ass broads were a plenty, so it seems only natural to continue the party.  Some close friends of mine happen to comprise Cocaine Tongue (New England’s finest Guns N’ Roses tribute band), and they put on a free show on Saturday.  In honor of their triumphant performance, here’s my all time favorite GNR song.

Guns N’ Roses – You Could Be Mine

Not only does this song kick more ass than Conan the Barbarian, but Arnold gives a little “wazzup” for Terminator 2.  My neck got so damned wrecked on Saturday, mostly due to this song.  Time for a muscle relaxer and a shot of whiskey.  \m/

Check out Cocaine Tongue on the myspace thing:  http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=21621998

Thursday Throwbacks: 2/19/09

February 19, 2009


Defender has had a seriously long, and trying day.  Going on 25.5 hours of constant battle, the only thing that can help expel the stress daemons are beings that are partly metal, and partly real.  Join me in a trip to Limbo.  Flex your wings, then get ready for some Silverhawks. Read the rest of this entry »

“God Of War: 3” Trailer Will Epic Your Ass Off

February 19, 2009

Video games are crazy stupid awesome, but it takes one of sheer brutality to truly captivate me.  The God of War franchise has got me so firmly by the double Greek olives, that the purchase of a PS3 is mandatory for this game alone.

(RBM is in no way responsible for any head explosions, eye melting, or flesh burnings that may result from watching this video)

Heavy Metal Monday: 2/16/09

February 16, 2009

The parties may be over, but the rock sure ain’t!  Add some Heavy Pettin to that Monday Morning Wood you have, and you’re bound to kick off your week in smooth style.

Heavy Pettin – “Rock Ain’t Dead”

This video just gets more awesome each time I watch it.  With a voice that can shatter skulls, as well as glass, it doesn’t even matter that their music isn’t as heavy as some of the other bands I’ve shoved down your throats.  And if you think this band was bad, you ain’t seen noth’n yet.  I’ve got so much cheezie metal ammo, it’ll make that death scene from Robocop seem soft.

(in case you forgot that scene)

Crazy Crap 2/14/09

February 14, 2009

Ya I know this isn’t beyond bonkers, but I needed something to tide me over till dinner.

Different Bay To Direct “Nightmare” Re-Make

February 13, 2009


Even though the thought of an Elm Street re-make causes my brain to hemorrhage, knowing that Michael Bay is no longer directing it eases the pooling blood in my skull. /Film discovered that Samuel Bayer will be the conductor of this disaster train, and it still looks like an inevitable derailment is in store. Bayer’s directing “skills” have only been for projects lasting a mighty 2-5 minutes. That’s right. He’s a music video director. The only way he could make Nightmare on Elm Street any better would be if he directed Dokken’s “Dream Warriors”. Then I could at least walk into this atrocity with a mildly open mind.

(just because that video is super sweet)

Thursday Throwbacks: 2/12/09

February 12, 2009


You know what’s cool?  Dinosaurs!  It doesn’t matter if you’re 8 or 28, dinosaurs kick major ass.  But what would it be like if those long dead dinos could talk?  Not only talk, but wear sweet outfits, and battle each other good vs. evil style?  There was this little show called Dinosaucers, that blasted its way out of the Jurassic and into our living rooms back in ’87, that gave us just that.  Hold onto your butts, and let’s “Dinovolve” with the first two episodes of Dinosaucers.

Read the rest of this entry »

Crazy Crap 2/11/09

February 11, 2009

Due to getting held on a mandatory overtime at work this morning, and a pending dentist appointment this afternoon, I will be having little (to no) sleep today.  Therefore, here is my one and only post for the day.  Tomorrow will be more enjoyable, I promise.