“Alien Vs. Hunter” = Totally Unwatchable….Literally

May 21, 2013

AVH_aff2

(the tagline says: “Battlezone: EARTH”…like it matters)

Wow.  This is a first.  I have never in my life come across a movie that is such a blatant ripoff.  Really?  Alien Vs. Hunter?  They couldn’t even come up with a vaguely different name?  We’re witnessing a new form of lazy which requires a whole new word.  I mean, who in the hell did they think they were fooling?  They almost got me.  Almost.  Thankfully, they have a crackerjack team of writers over at Netflix.  What they came up with for a synopsis is pure gold: Read the rest of this entry »


“Evil Dead” Remake Red Band Trailer

October 24, 2012

Welp…I’m gonna go kill myself.


Conan: The Dumb-barian

August 20, 2011

No amount of prayers will help your movie, Momoa

Since the colossal success of The Lord of the Rings, studio execs have been trying to bank on the grand-scale epicness perfected by Peter Jackson.  He managed to take the works of Tolkien to a level never dreamed possible while sticking true to the story and pacing them beautifully.  Why other directors can’t follow suit is beyond me.  These days they feel the need to bombard their audiences with quick/random cuts, grand swooping shots from the sky, and random scenarios that seem to say “hey, what do ya think of this?”.  Sadly, the 2011 take on the classic epic Conan: The Barbarian did just that. Read the rest of this entry »


Caught In The Middle: An “X-Men:First Class” Review

June 11, 2011

One would assume that since MARVEL now has the power to make their own films they’d be able to make flawless comic book movies.  Not so.  Many would simply forget about the Fantastic Four flub, Ghost Rider‘s gaffe, and Electra‘s err…not me.  A good handful of spot on renditions have come to the screen to prove that it can be done correctly.  It just sucks when someone only goes half way.  I just didn’t think the people behind X-Men:  First Class would be in that category. Read the rest of this entry »


Song Of The Day: 5/20/2011

May 20, 2011

“Macho Man” Randy Savage:  Speaking from the Heart

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!!


Pour One Out For: “Macho Man” Randy Savage 11/15/1953 – 5/20/2011

May 20, 2011

While a slew of morons are plastering religious nonsense all over the internet, some rather shocking information elbow-dropped me into my own religious experience….and not in a good way.  It seems the greatest, most meticulous, professional wrestler has signed his contract to wrestle for eternity in the halls of Valhalla.  Today, “Macho Man” Randy Savage passed away.  TMZ has all the details that are known as of now. Read the rest of this entry »


“Jennifer’s Body” Puts The SUCK In Succubus

April 21, 2011

Waiting for the hype of new films to die out is kind of my thing.  I stress out enough thinking about how much of my gut is sticking out of the bottom of my t-shirt, so spending two hours in a packed theater with hormone riddled high schoolers and overly excited nerds is something I can do without.  Every now and then a film gets released that requires me to dawn my armor and venture forth, but Jennifer’s Body wasn’t one of ’em. Read the rest of this entry »