Crazy Crap: Thundercats, RUUUUUUN!

In an effort to raise money for the Save The Snarfs Society, a handful of Thundercats rallied the people of First Earth for a 5k charity marathon.  While Cheetara set countless world records on that day, Thundercats Ben-Gali and Lynx-O mysteriously disappeared.  Witnesses report spotting a bandaged weightlifter with blue skin and a tattered red cape fleeing the scene.  Officials are baffled.

Heavy Metal Curling?

While the wrath of all mighty Thor was pounding unholy devastation upon the walls of my work last night, I was watching the Swedish Olympic women’s curling team lay some hell of their own upon the Chinese.  As oddly hypnotic as this “sport” is, I was sharply broken from my trance by one of the announcers.

Thursday Throwbacks: 9/3/09

Because Vince McMahon has assimilated every professional wrestling organization, stole themes that made said wrestling organizations unique, and can’t go a single month with out advertising a Pay-Per-View event, wrestling fucking blows now.  Things weren’t always like this.

Muay Thai = Fighting Trees

Muay Thai is something I’ve always respected, but never really became  interested in enough to learn about. Kind of like my relationship with Marilyn Manson, but that’s for another day (I listend to the first five songs off his new album and thought it was really fucking good–I got a real Daivd Bowie vibe). So anway, when I saw something about Muay Thai on the National Geographic channel I casaully watched it for a bit to see if I could absorb some knowledge. You know, maybe learn how to chop down a banana tree with my bare hands, feet, shins, knees and elbows–who knows?  This clip is kind of like a cliff notes of this one hour documentary and A LOT of really good information is cut out, but it’s going to be on again Wednesday at midnight so set your Tivo or DVRs or whatever and we all can learn how to defend ourselves against those sneaky fucking trees always lurking around in forests.

Happy Opening Day/Rain Out

Fenway Park, Opening Day 1912

I hope you all enjoyed the beautiful weather on Sunday, I know I did out in lovely Amherst, Mass. ,  because things ain’t looking too good for the Red Sox Opening Day game slated to start at 2:05 pm this afternoon. Hey, woulda been nice if they could have bumped the game up a day, huh?

On WBCN this morning Toucher & Rich were discussing if the Sox were holding off on canceling the game just to get people into the park and buying beer, food etc. They noted that the White Sox had already called off their game. I understand wanting to get some of the Opening Day ceremonies in and stuff, but if they know that there’s no chance of getting the game in why not just hold off for a day and get whole shebang in tomorrow? It is an off day. Makes you wonder…

Oh well, I could really care less about front office motives at this point, I’m just happy the season is here.  Woo.

David Beckham Is Better Than Kevin Garnett at Kicking Balls

Who do you think would be better at kicking a basketball into a basketball hoop: a basketball player, or a soccer player who has trained his whole life to kick balls accurately? On the plus side: watching Garnett get amped up about anything gets me amped up about everything.

“Anything’s possible!!! A me-mo…ma me moooeee!!! My mother B-Nut!!!”

Ken Griffey, Jr. Returns to Seattle; Dreams Do Come True

Ken Griffey, Jr. will be returning to the Seattle Mariners for the 2009 Major League Baseball season. Griffey is a 13-time All-Star, 10-time Gold Glove winner, 7-time Silver Slugger recipient and was the 1997 Most Valuable Player. To this day he is my favorite player.

According to legend, as young children, my older and I both wanted Griffey to be our favorite player. You see, we were avid baseball card collectors and when trading cards it was a type of trump card to say “and he’s my favorite player,” in order to grease the wheels in your favor when negotiating a deal. In our trading card circle this was an unspoken rule upheld by all of us, similar to the infallibility of “calling it.” I think Seinfeld or Brian Regan has a joke about that, but I can’t find a clip to link to.

Anyway, we both wanted to be able to greedily hoard all the Ken Griffey, Jr. cards that were available, so we played Rock, Paper, Scissors or something to decide who would be awarded the trading card rights to Griffey and be able to call him their Favorite Player…

In Case You Missed It…ShaqaWockeez

The collective jaws of the nation dropped last night when Shaq became an honorary member of the Jabbawockeez. They say that the ShaqaWockee lives in Probot’s closet and creeps out at night to stand over his bed and judge him.

He Used His Back

That’s all I’m saying.

The Stath’s Superbowl Commercial

31 seconds in Heaven.

Case Closed: Mickey Rourke Will NOT Be Wrasslin’

Chris Jericho and sleep peacefully now. Reps for Mickey Rourke have stated that he will not be participating in Wrestlemania MMXVII. Although he’s already dressed for it.

A spokeswoman for actor Mickey Rourke says he won’t be taking his role as a professional wrestler into a real-life ring after all.

Paula Woods told The Associated Press on Wednesday night that Rourke will not wrestle WWE superstar Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania 25 in April at Houston’s Reliant Stadium. (Source)

In other Rourke news, this makes me sick.

Unnecassary Ruffness; Puppy Bowl 5

Meet Candy Corn, one of the starters for this years Puppy Bowl (3:00pm, this Sunday on Animal Planet). He’s a 10 week old Weimaraner mix who enjoys tickles and children’s hair. I’ve watched the Puppy Bowl for the past two years and some serious funny puppy antics always goes down. For example, two puppies will be wrestling over the rubber football toy for about 30 seconds, then one of them will walk over to the water bowl and fall asleep in it! Awwww!!! Or, and this one is rare, a puppy will raise up its two front legs and walk a step or two on its hind legs! Like a real football player!!! AWWWWWW!!! I can’t even be sarcastic about this. Watch it. Love it. Puppy Bowl V.

RBM is Going to the Superbowl

We were just waiting for some affordable tickets to this Sunday’s Super Bowl and looksie what we have here…

Bear Witness! The 2009 NBA All-Star Game Starters!

Western Conference Starters:

• Amar’e Stoudemire, F
• Tim Duncan, F
• Yao Ming, C
• Kobe Bryant, G
• Chris Paul, G

Eastern Conference Starters:

• Kevin Garnett, F
• LeBron James, F
• Dwight Howard
• Dwyane Wade, G
• Allen Iverson, G

Wednesday Night Redux

Given the outcome of the game I’m assuming it’s my responsibility to fill you all in on last night. We laughed, Oh Mars cried and Boston routed Dirty Jerz. Props to Polite Bear for hooking it up. Aside from the game, the outcome of which was a foregone conclusion after two quarters, we had ourselves a grand ol’ time. We drank in a parking lot, on a train and in a bar. Some crazy peedo tried to pick me up, Oh Mars was baffled with the awesomeness of the bathrooms and we may have impersonated plain-clothes officers of the law. – Probot

Yes, we did impersonate plain-clothes officers of the law. Even though Jersey lost by 500 points, it was an epic night. The peedo Probot mentioned tried to lure him to a bar that he described as having “cheap drafts, video games, and no women.” At the game I befriended a security guard from Camden, NJ. I was trying to convince him to let me go into the Nets locker room. His reply was, “You want to touch those cheerleader’s butts.” I got his address and told him I would send him a hat. Then I threw my hat into the crowd. Shitty game. Gentlemen, good night. Ladies, good morning. – Oh Mars

Wednesday Night

Seconds before Devin Harris strips Pierce and drives the lane, unchallenged.

After our weekly meeting today, Polite Bear pulled aside Probot and myself. Instantly I was worried that the higher-ups had found out how much time I spend playing Tumble Bees at work instead of writing about Soulja Boy. But then he held out his paws and handed us tickets to the Celtics/Nets game for Wednesday night. Box seats. Center court. Concierge service. What up? I haven’t seen the Nets live since they traded Kidd for Harris and Probot hasn’t seen the Celts since they’ve been rockin’ the Big Three. You know, since they were the worst team in the East and were able to bogart two All-Stars. Since Doc couldn’t do a fucking thing with them but now after the acquisition of Garnett and Allen he’s being compared to Auerbach? Anyways, it’ll be fun. The seats are bananas and this is our 6th month anniversary week so why not take in some rec? GO NETS!

And now for you viewing enjoyment (PS: I could put this song over images of my niece playing in a sandbox and it would be intense):

Jim Rice, Come on Down!!!

I’ve been avoiding posting anything about sports ever since I jinxed the Celtics and they went into a slide that resulted in them losing 7 of 9 games starting with the loss on Christmas Day in LA, sorry ’bout that. But I have to give it up to the Baseball Writers for finally recognizing Jim Rice and electing him to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Rice spent his entire career as a member of the Boston Red Sox, was an eight-time All-star, won two Silver Slugger awards and was the 1978 American League MVP. In Rice’s notable 1978 season he led the league in home runs (46), RBIs (139), hits (213), triples (15) and his .315 batting average was third best in the AL. He was just before my time (retiring after the ’89 season, Mike Greenwell was the first left-fielder I remember seeing), but my Dad talks about how hard he hit the ball and his business-like approach to the game. Congratulations.

Beat L.A.! Celtics Go for 20 Straight on Christmas Day

The Celts can deliver a Christmas gift to all of New England if they pull out a victory against the L.A. Lakers on Christmas Day. The C’s set a franchise record against the Philadelphia 76ers last night winning their 19th consecutive game and are off to the best start in team history at 27-2.

Considering the Boston Celtics’ storied past it’s pretty amazing that this team has been able to do something that wasn’t accomplished by a Larry Bird or Bill Russel led team. You won’t hear Doc Rivers, Paul Pierce or Kevin Garnett mention it, but with the way this team is rolling the NBA record of 33 consecutive wins in a season (held by LA) just may fall January 21, 2009 in Miami.

Shoe-Throwing is on Fire!!! Chris Webber x Sir Charles

Monday Morning Wood

Talk about getting excited first thing in the morning. Uber-nerd and Lego-enthusiast Mark Borlase spent four years and about $3,000 creating this incredible 5′X10′ Hoth diorama. She’s comprised of 60,000 Lego bricks. Apparently they’re called bricks, not pieces. The diorama also features 50 LED lights that illuminate the Echo Base hangar and bacta tank, motorized AT-AT wenches, and a fully operational hanger door. Check out the Flickr set here.

Devon Harris and the Nets shit all over Dallas. Harris finished with a retarded 41 points and 13 assists. Kidd who?

There’s a new clip from Dollhouse online. In this one we see Echo (Eliza Dushku) wake up after having her memories wiped in the special memory-flushing chair. I have one of those except it’s for flushing my blow during police raids.

Yeah, James Cameron has got huge balls.

Yeah, the Chinese government has got huge (baoding) balls.

Pour one out for: Robert Mulligan, the director of To Kill a Mockingbird, died on Friday of heart disease. He was 83.

Woolworths has ruined Christmas. The British store has banned the sale of toy lightsabers because they look like guns. Like, caulk guns? It is pretty dope to hear that in certain British stores, you have to be over 18 to buy a lightsaber. They also have to do a background check under “Ponda Baba’s law.”

On Full House this morning, Little Richard made a guest appearance. He performed “Keep a Knockin‘” at a PTA rally to help save the art program at Michelle’s school. I was watching this at 6:00 in the morning, the whole time I thought I was still asleep and experiencing the greatest dream ever.

RBM got a much appreciated shout-out on the new episode of UYD. Check it out here.

As you gather around the Christmas tree, surrounded by the ones you tolerate and love, remember that others are not so fortunate. Jake Lloyd hasn’t worked in six years.