Black Friday at WalMart; Woman Nearly Trampled to Death

A 41-year-old woman in Orange City, FL seeking a $29 dollar DVD player at the Black Friday WalMart jump-off was nearly trampled to death. She was first in line, so naturally, she was knocked unconscious and the herd just kept running (fuck dude, it’s only $29 bucks, right?). She ended up in the hospital, unable to remember what the hell happened. But it’s cool, because WalMart made it up to her the only way they know how. They called the woman’s sister and:

…Wal-Mart officials called later Friday to ask about her sister, and the store apologized and offered to put a DVD player on hold for her. (From CNN)

‘Nuff said.

Crazy Crap: Peter Griffin Lives!

This is just too damn spooky.

Listen to the Benjamin Button Score; No Lil Wayne

The entire score from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, composed by Alexander Desplat (Golden Compass, The Queen) is now available online at the Warner Bros. site. I looked over the tracklisting and couldn’t believe my eyes. Maybe they just forgot to list them, I thought. Going over a list of every 2008 music release RBM can officially confirm that this is the first album of the year to not feature Lil Wayne, Ne-Yo, or Akon. I don’t know how I feel about this. Not good, I think.

Drinking Makes You Nigh-Invulnerable

I couldn’t decide to use this for RBM or the Mishka blog, so it’s posted on both. I hope they don’t mind.

Thanksgiving Eve, one of the most popular nights of the year for excessive drinking, has just passed and it got me to thinking about an alcoholic I had once read about, Michael Malloy, the victim of one of the most unusual murders in NYC history (I originally heard about him through the Primus song “You Can’t Kill Michael Malloy”). Malloy was an Irish immigrant who came over to NYC sometime in the early 1900s and quickly became an infamous drunk, but a cheerful one; besides his liver, he never hurt a soul. His watering-hole of choice was a speakeasy (Prohibition would not be repealed until December of 1933) at E. 177th St. in the Bronx, owned by a man named Anthony Marino. In 1932, Marino and three of Malloy’s speakeasy friends (Dan Kreisberg, Joseph Murphy, Frank Pasqua) were generous enough to insure him for nearly $2,000. Getting him to sign the policies was simple, they just waited until he was drunk and told him it was a petition that would help elect Marino for local office. The policies featured a double indemnity clause, so if Malloy just happened to have an accidental death, then double the value would be paid. Now, the “Murder Trust” (as the four men called themselves) just had to figure out how to bump off the 50 year old drunk.

Rebel Scum Lets Renz do the Talking

From Rebelscum and Gentle Giant comes the Lieutenant Renz mini-bust ($65). Renz is the Imperial officer who delivered the classic line, “You Rebel Scum,” and the mini-bust actually comes with a voice-chip that replays that line. Also included with purchase is a stand-up autograph card bearing a hand-signed autograph from Barrie Holland, who played Lt. Renz in Return of the Jedi.

If I had a position of authority at my job, I would get a Renz for my office. Whenever I was done reprimanding one of my peons, I would play the line, lean back, and point to the door. Please close it on your way out, I’ve got shit to do. Shit you wouldn’t understand even if a manual was provided. Speaking of, send Manuel in, I need to have a few words with that Spaniard.

Give Thanks One & All; Police Academy 8

Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. Yesterday I learned that some people like having mac & cheese with their T’Giving dinner, which I think is insane. (VictorianBlood, you make me sick). I went into a turkey-induced coma while watching The ‘Burbs, which we followed up with the Star Wars Holiday Special, a game of Scene-It Seinfeld, the Christian after-school special Second Glance, and wrapped up the festivities with the last half of Christmas With the Kranks (I may or may not have cried, but who hasn’t cried during a Tim Allen movie?). Anyways, back to it.

Steve Guttenberg told The Sun that an eighth Police Academy movie is being written, and Kim Catrall and Sharon Stone may be suiting up again.

“We are doing a new movie and it is going to be great fun,” he said. “A script is being written and so far it is really great, everyone from the original movies who is still around will return.”

I don’t remember Police Academy 4, 5, and 7. Maybe they left a lot of loose ends in 7 and it’s been driving Guttenberg crazy for 14 years. Guttenberg states that he would love to have ex-Academy members Sharon Stone and Kim Cattrall return for number 8, but they haven’t said yes yet. Maybe because they have successful careers post-Police Academy. And I doubt that the bankroll for a timely eighth Police Academy would be large enough to accomodate Stone and Cattrall. You could cast 11 Guttenburgs for one Stone.

Guttenberg also discusses a third Three Men and a Baby movie, which I would talk about but I’m having a great four-day weekend and don’t want to ruin it. He also comments on his regrets concerning turning down a role in Short Circuit 2:

“I turned down Short Circuit 2 too and I now wish I hadn’t. Sequels are a lot of fun and you get to hang out with all your friends. I wish I hadn’t turned those down.”

Guttenburg said this as he offed his second bottle of Ketel One. “I mean, it’s like, being at a permanent recess with all your friends, and people are filming it. And then everyone goes to see the film and everyone loves you. Everyone…so much fun…God, I’ve made so many mistakes…”

Robot Bites PETA: Free the Animals, Objectify the Women

Animals need rights and the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) plans on gaining them, through the exploitation of women. From being stuffed in cages while dressed in bikinis to being covered in plastic wrap naked, smeared with fake blood, PETA will go to any length to dehumanize women in order to catch the attention of the misogynistic majority. And last time I checked, our deeply ingrained patriarchal society seems to be responding.