Today, RBM chose our first mascot: Polite Bear. His two dads dropped him off this afternoon on their way to the Raiders game. Please take a minute and welcome him; he’ll be popping up now and then to eat salmon and sniff out homos.
Available now at StarWarsShop, the most evil toaster ever made. It has three settings: Padawan, Knight, and Master (Master being the crispiest) and will match everything in your kitchen. I usually do bagels, which will make Vader look like he’s wearing a clown nose, but if you’ve ever dreamt of spreading your butter all over Vader’s helmet, don’t hesitate.
The new Guitar Hero commercial directed by Brett Ratner (check out his first one here) features Heidi Klum rocking out in her skivvies. All I have to say is, “Our God, is an awesome God, He reigns, from Heaven above, with wisdom and power and love, our God is an awesome God.”
Which one is the third wheel?
Oi! This morning, the Variety Stork delivered this bundle of Hollywood joy: Stallone will be writing, directing, and starring in The Expendables, which will also feature Jet Li and Jason Statham. The movie follows a team of mercenaries on a mission to overthrow a cranky South American dictator. Stallone has been on a role the past few years, penning the last Rocky and Rambo installments, but after War does the world really need another Li/Statham match-up? At least this time Stallone will be around to play nanny:
Stallone: Uhhhh, what’s all this?
Statham: Ay, dis ‘ere Chinaman been fockin’ wid me col’ cut plattah!
Li: He is a liar.
Statham: Oi, fock you say? Oy should kick your fockin’ yello face in somvin propa? Ay?
Li: Please be quiet and return to your trailer.
Statham: Ay? I would go back to me fockin’ traila, but your muvahs sleepin’ in it. I jus’ gave ‘er a good knobbin’ and the bird needs ‘er rest.
Stallone: (Slaps forehead).
Latino Review has posted an underwhelming photo of actor Gerald Okamura in costume as Hard Master, the uncle of Storm Shadow and head of the Arashikage ninja clan. As the G.I. Joe mythos goes, Hard Master trains both Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes. Hard Master (in case you were wondering, there is a Soft Master in the clan as well) is murdered, causing Snake Eyes to leave the clan and Storm Shadow to join Cobra. I’ve yet to become excited about this movie and judging by the set/promotional photos that have been released, I never will. In the comics, Hard Master is pretty badass looking, but this movie has fudged up every other thing Joe, so it makes sense that they would make HM look like a 5th grader’s depiction of a ninja. It could be worse, he could be wearing a black, rubber, padded jumpsuit with vagina mouth that makes him run 70 mph.
Say what you want, but Friends was a funny ass show. I don’t care what anybody says. It’s even funnier when the Superfriends are involved. Check this out:
Now that’s just good entertainment right there.
I could care less what the show’s about. All I want to see is lots, and lots, and lots of Eliza Dushku. She was crazy sexy in Buffy, kicked some hillbilly ass in Wrong Turn, and flew an f’n jet in True Lies. This chick can do it all. Check out the full plot synopsis for Dollhouse after the jump.