Defender Destroys “God Of War: Chains Of Olympus”

Long have I awaited the savage return of Kratos.  Having hand delivered Zeus an epic ass whipping in God of War 2, my fingers were aching to guide “The Ghost of Sparta” towards further victories.  This time around was a bit different, but no less brutal.

Heavy Metal Monday: 2/23/09

This week end was quite the rock’n one.  Booze, bros, and kick ass broads were a plenty, so it seems only natural to continue the party.  Some close friends of mine happen to comprise Cocaine Tongue (New England’s finest Guns N’ Roses tribute band), and they put on a free show on Saturday.  In honor of their triumphant performance, here’s my all time favorite GNR song.

Guns N’ Roses – You Could Be Mine

Not only does this song kick more ass than Conan the Barbarian, but Arnold gives a little “wazzup” for Terminator 2.  My neck got so damned wrecked on Saturday, mostly due to this song.  Time for a muscle relaxer and a shot of whiskey.  \m/

Check out Cocaine Tongue on the myspace thing:  http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=21621998

Monday Morning Wood

Oscars Edition (sort of):

I just watched some tool who made Brad Pitt look old win the Best Makeup Oscar instead of Mike Elizalde (Hellboy II). Said tool then proceeded to read off a thank-you laundry list of people who probably feel really special they were mentioned along with 1,000 others.

Anne Hathaway, you look great. Bring daddy home an Oscar.

Speed won an Oscar?!?! BestWeekEver posted a list of 20 movies you did not know won Oscars.

Finally got to see Taken. Check out my quick write up of it here. If I was Liam Neeson’s daughter, I would feel very safe. I found a leaked copy of Outlander but something tells me I should leave that review up to Defender.

Mickey Rourke won best actor at the Indie Spirit Awards and delivered yet another doozie of a speech. He thanks a bunch of Fox Searchlight employees, even though he can’t remember their names (“the little one who I call gap-tooth”). And of course he brings up the scene in The Wrestler where he is “banging a girl in the ass in the bathroom.” Check the video below. If he doesn’t win the Oscar tonight, zombie-Loki is going to eat the brains of the Academy.

This was released a few days ago, I know, shutup, but everyone deserves to see what Chris Brown is capable of if you give him herpes. And then click here to cheer yourself up.

My fucking hero Philip Petit just bolted onto the Oscars stage, performed sleight of hand, and balanced the statue on his chin. I want to pay him to follow me around all day and . And if you haven’t seen Man on Wire, I’m going to send Liam Neeson after you.

Well, dammit. Rourke lost to Sean Penn. No disrespect to Penn, but I have lost all faith in humanity.

Best Picture = Slumdog. No surprise here. But c’mon…Slumdog was good but it wasn’t that good. It was filled with clichés, was implausible, and feels like a fucking cartoon at some points. The Academy loves feel-good, live conquers all bullshit, don’t they?