Great Moments in IN YOUR FACE! History

I’ve been inspired by the completely anonymous Eric McTwapiece to launch a new recurring bit titled Great Moments in IN YOUR FACE! History. What does it take to become a great In Your Face moment you ask? Simple. You say or do something that thwarts your competition so thoroughly that they are left with no retaliation. So, here, in the first incarnation of Great Moments in IN YOUR FACE! History, is Jack Black completely putting in the face of Randy, Paula and Simon.

IN YOUR FACE.

Christian Bale Takes David to the Dentist

It was bound to happen.

Thanks to Mr. Groff for the tip.

HP6 = WTF

Just what in the crap is going on in this poster?  Is Harry looking romantically at Dumbledore, or are we suppose to be Dumbledore looking super fly for Harry?  And what’s up with that tag line?  I don’t even want to know what it is he’s asking of Harry, cuz I’m sure whatever it is, it can’t be good.

New “G.I.Joe” Posters Look Like High School Metal Shop Photo Shoot

Heavy Metal Monday: 2/9/09

I can’t speak for the rest of you maniacs, but I was rocking one epic hangover this week end.  After blacking out on Friday night, and sleeping all day and night on Saturday, I found out that I almost got in a fight with a Nazi.  So in the spirit of downing whiskey until all hours of the night, I think some Pirate Metal is in order.  If Running Wild can’t help you shake that two day long hangover, it sucks to be you.

Running Wild – “Bad To The Bone”

Rolf Kasperek (the singer) is a true Wild Asshole.  Just look at that guy!  Plus, I’ve never seen anyone flip their hair over their shoulder as many times as Rolf does in this video.  This band f*cking rules!

Monday Morning Wood

How was your weekend? Mine was great, thanks for asking. The teaser trailer for Tarantino’s decade-in-the-making Inglorious Basterds will be premiering sometime this week on Entertainment Tonight (and then seconds later online). I’m tickled by any movie revolving around a gang of misfits sent to slaughter Nazis. I am also very ticklish in real life. Sometimes when I’m falling asleep, I stick my arms up and run my fingers up and down them. It feels awesome.

Iconic filmmakers and BFFs Werner Herzog and David Lynch are collaborating on a movie with a catchy title: My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done? Michael Shannon, Willem Dafoe, Chloe Sevigny and Udo Kier have signed on and I already have the wicked bad willies. From ScreenDaily:

The story is loosely based on events surrounding a San Diego man who acted out a Sophocles play in his mind and murdered his mother with a sword.

“I always wanted to make a horror film, but not with bloody axes and chain-saws,” Herzog said, adding: “An anonymous fear should rather creep up at you.”

The Grammys happened buuut who gives a shit? If you do, click here, then never come back.

In other music news, my adopted son Sexman has beef with Fiddy:

Chris Brown had a busy weekend. He may or may not have beaten a girl, ran from the cops, was a no-show at the Grammys, and then turned himself in. I went grocery shopping and paid $3.75 for a PBR in Boston.

Product of the Week

Brought to you from the great people at www.stupid.com, this is a little game called Shocking Duel. Tagline: Who Can Endure the Most Pain? Basically, you and your buddy do a few shots of jager then each grab a hold of one of these sadistic “joysticks” and it will incrementally shock you at higher voltages until you find out who the bigger vagine is. Don’t believe me? Well listen to what the people who reviewed Shocking Duel on amazon.dot had to say.

Five Star Review:

This is an excellent product, but not for the weak of heart!
It begins with a slight tickling at your fingertips, but it eventually progresses to an extremely painfull shock that runs up to your shoulder.

I challenged the guys in my youth group to this game and beat or tied all of them – you can only tie your opponent if you make it through all of the rounds and no one lets go of their handle. (The last round is a constant, excruciating shock for about twenty seconds.)

I highly recommend this product to pain-tolerant, slightly daredevil-ish people.

I’m glad this reviewer told me how a tie works and that he was superior or equal to all the other ruffians in his youth group. That’s pretty rugged competition right there. Youth group rules state that Jesus hates the loser, so you know they’re motivated.

Another Five Star Review:

brought the shock duel to thanksgiving with my family. we all had a great time with it. even my grammom got into the action! was a good time!

What kind of evil bastard plays this game with their grandmother?! She must have some crazy dough that this terrible grandchild just can’t wait to get his greedy paws on.

This thing is evil, but I think Oh Mars and I may have found the subject of our next scientific investigation. I have a bad feeling about this one.