The RBM x UYD Interview

Jonathan (left) and Seth (other left). Photo courtesy of ZZZlist.com.

We’re some hard working North Shore fools here at RBM and after a long day of pretending to work at our regular jobs and bringing heat on the blog-front, the last thing we want to do is turn on CNN, BBC, or MSNBC so some bullshit suit can vomit the news at us. We prefer something more real, something more entertaining, something with colorful language and meth-mouth jokes. That’s why we choose UYD.

Since February 2006, Seth Romatelli and Jonathan Larroquette have brought the world Uhh Yeah Dude (UYD), an hour-long podcast that presents “America through the eyes of two American Americans.” It’s a cornucopia of insane news stories, passionate rants, somewhat embarrassing personal stories (albeit hilarious), reviews, energy drinks, all wrapped up in a glossy, comedic package.

About three weeks ago, I drunk-dialed Seth on a whim (is there any other kind of drunk-dial?). He was in the middle of watching Cops and after a few minutes, I asked him about doing an interview. While still on the phone, Seth checked out RBM and I think it was the Heavyweights interviews that convinced him. So last Thursday night, at midnight (9:00 UYD time), I lit some candles, sat Indian-style on the floor, and had an intimate conversation with Seth Romatelli and Johnathan Larroquette.

Henry Hill (Goodfellas) and Seth courtesy of ZZZlist.com

Seth and Jonathan were at Seth’s East Hollywood apartment, where they record the show every week. I don’t understand the concept of conferencing calling, but Jonathan does. So he called me and Seth…at the same time!

Jonathan Laroquette (JL): Are you there?

Seth Romatelli (SR): I’m here.

RBM: I’m here.

SR: Holy shit!

It’s like I’m holding two phones.

SR: Holy shit you did it!

JL: It’s like having two phones in one house.

SR: It’s like having a phone in the house, a phone in the street, and a phone in Massachusetts. We just beat science!

It’s like we have an east coast, west coast…

JL: We just beat the fuck out of science.

SR: How cold is it out there?

It’s probably about 15 degress tonight.

SR: I was actually talking to Jonathan.

(laughter)

SR: Are you getting this because I’m being so funny right now.

This is some pretty good material already.

JL: Are you recording this?

Yeah, I have a little digi-corder.

SR: You better be recording everything we’re saying because it’s fucking funny.

JL: I’m trying to get a thing on my phone that you can…

SR: That you can record it?

JL: …and you can instantaneously record your conversations.

SR: Don’t tell me when you get that and then like, have me say shit…

JL: You know that I have no intention of telling you.

So how did you guys meet?

SR: AA stands for Alcoholics Anonymous.

JL: We didn’t…

SR: We didn’t meet there?

JL: Uhn-uhn.

SR: We met on a basketball court in Venice. After White Men Can’t Jump, we both saw each other at a screening and we both went down to shoot some hoops. We ended up on the skins and we just ended up running ball for a summer in Venice. When was that? White Men Can’t Jump? ’92?

JL: ’92 or ’93.

SR: How did we meet?

JL: I met Seth at his job. Right?

SR: I guess.

JL: Yes, I met Seth at a video store he used to work at.

SR: Called Rocket Video.

JL: On La Brea and Melrose in Hollywood, California.

SR: White Men Can’t Jump was 1992.

JL: So I went in to rent White Men Can’t Jump and…no, I went in and had recently seen an HBO Undercover documentary called Living Dolls and was deeply affected by it on several levels.

SR: Have you ever seen that, Patrick.?

I haven’t.

SR: It’s a doc about child beauty pageants and it’s super fucking creepo and superbly dope. And there weren’t many people in the world that knew that flavor so…

JL: Seth was at the drawer in the video store and was like, “I’m sorry, are you talking about Living Dolls?” And he brought out a picture of the main girl in the documentary, this girl Swan Brooner. Like, he had a picture of her in the drawer, because Seth’s a fucking serial rapist.

SR: Every gentleman should have something like that at his disposal. Like, who wouldn’t have that ready to show strangers?

JL: And what year was that?

SR: Living Dolls was…I’m gonna Wikipedia it right now.

JL: We’re gonna IMDB our entire lives.

SR: I thought it was 2000…release date was May of ’01. It was around that time we met, but our first meeting was around Crossroads so…

The Britney Spears biopic? (which Seth has a small role in)

SR: I’m not talking about the Crossroads with Ralph Macchio and Steve Vai. So that was like summer of ’01 and we’ve been doing this podcast for seven years now. No, we were like straight homies for a long time and then the idea of the podcast came about in early ’05. Then it was thrown about, if you will, throughout the year of 2005 – I’ll try to find a movie that came out in 2005 so we can remember.

JL: Didn’t Twister come out in ’05?

SR: I think Independence Day. I’m just going to type in “2005 movies.”

JL: Moonlighting, I think.

SR: Can I tell you the top movie of 2005? The number one movie of 2005, box-office-wise, was Revenge of the Seth. There was also King Kong, the movie that like, sent you into a fucking tail-spin.

JL: Fuck that movie.

SR: So around Thanksgiving of ’05 we sort of laid down the blueprint for UYD. And then we started in February ’06. There were three lost episodes that we’re gonna package together and sell for $400. Episodes that have never been heard by anyone. We’re putting that together right now. They’re going to be called the ” Original Lost Epps.”

JL: It’s spelled E-P-P-S because they feature Omar Epps.

SR: It was originally going to be me, Jonathan, and Omar Epps.

JL: But then he got on House and shit got all fucked up.

SR: So we’re on a countdown to our three year anniversary.

Is there anything special planned for that?

SR: We’re going to do that show in the nude. But we’re not going to tell anyone that.

JL: But we just told him that.

SR: So the readers of this interview will know. I will be topless and Jonathan will be bottomless.

Can you tell us about the preproduction that goes into the show?

SR: Jonathan arrives here. We sit in yogi position, holding hands, in silence. There’s not much discussed. He plugs in the equipment. I don’t know if you know anything about Central Avenue in Los Angeles…

I don’t.

SR: …where jazz was created. I don’t know if you know much about be-bop clubs in Harlem, but it’s free form. If you can understand that, what it’s like to just, spit rhymes off the dome.

I shit you not, I have in my notes here that the newer episodes are more like “jazz.”

(laughter)

Because the older episodes were made up of more recurring segments. The newer ones seem like free form jazz.

SR: Can we ask you something? Would you be honest if we asked you which ones you enjoy more?

Yeah.

SR: If you can be honest, we’re all friends here. We’re three different men on three different phones, doesn’t that mean we’re friends?

Yes. Honestly, from the 20s to the 50s are my favorites. I love This Week in Florida, I love To Catch a Predator…but that’s not your fault that show ended.

SR: It’s not our fault that fucking guy killed himself.

JL: Hey, Texan Defense Attorney, thanks for killing laughter.

SR: When you killed yourself, you killed the show.

JL: You fucking greedy, selfish pedophile. Stop hoarding all the young boys and young laughter.

SR: I almost want to take a piss. So you say from 20 to 50 there was a Renaissance, if you will?

That was your Gilded Age.

SR: And it’s been downhill since?

I’ve been begrudgingly listening to every new episode.

SR: I’ll keep that in mind.

JL: Well to circle back to your legitimate question about preproduction, I think I’ve expressed it in the show quite a few times that Seth definitely takes the brunt of that load. And..

SR: That sounds so gross, “Why don’t you take the brunt of that load?”

JL: It’s like a shot on his face every week. Seth does shoulder a lot of that stuff and my job is to lead as much of a tragic life as possible and report back on that.

SR: You don’t like these new episodes, huh?

JL: This interview has gone into a dark, dark territory.

SR: You haven’t liked an episode since like 66.

I think 43 was the last one where I actually smiled.

SR: Fuck man.

I didn’t want it to be like this tonight.

JL: I can’t believe you hate us.

SR: I can’t believe you interview people you hate.

Ok, moving on.

SR: I can’t believe you stay up wicked late and interview people you hate.

Do you know what time I have to get up in the morning?

SR: 6:00.

5:00.

SR: Really?

If I want to make pancakes.

SR: Which you don’t, because that’s crazy.

JL: “I have to get up at 5:00 if I want to make pancakes, douche!” You know how you can stop getting up so early? By not making pancakes!

SR: “Yeah, I have to get up so early.” Well actually, you don’t.

JL: You don’t have to get up that early, dude.

Can I just tell you, on a quick side-note I was chosen to be on an episode of MTV’s True Life …

JL: Fuck. You.

And three days later I called the producer and turned him down.

SR: What was your True Life going to be about?

About being a Star Wars fan. But I’m like, on the cusp of the culture. I sort of reject it. It’s hard to explain.

SR: No it’s not.

What really sold him was that I get up at 5:00 to make pancakes before work.

SR: And that sealed the deal.

JL: How many days a week do you get up at 5:00 and make pancakes before work?

At least four. (it’s actually been over a week since my last pancake)

JL: Are you fucking serious?!?!

Yeah.

JL: What kind of pancakes?

Buttermilk.

SR: Just some simple, silver dollar pancakes. What’s your syrup?

Jemima.

SR: Just old school with some Jemima. Simple. Do you ever mix it up with some French toast or crepes?

No, no.

SR: Just straight fucking flapjacks.

JL: Can I assume that you’re like the Rastafarian-style Star Wars fan? That you like, look down on the blasphemy of the culture and what it’s become, that you’re like a pure form.

(I rant here about Star Wars culture).

JL: Amir owns one of those replica lightsabers. (Amir is the other half of Jonathan’s electro-rock group Jogger). I have to say they’re pretty fucking…

(Seth makes some uncanny lightsaber noises).

SR: I have one in case a burglar comes.

JL: Seth actually has the Darth Maul one.

It’s pitch black and Seth lights up one side of the lightsaber…

JL: And the burglar is like “Cool, I got this, this guy’s just got a single-sided lightsaber.”

Then he lights up the other end.

SR: Because my old bro…Old-Bro-Wan Kenobi…what’s it?

JL: Brobi-Wan Kenobi.

SR: He sleeps in the other room on a cot…fucking Crossroads was on Bravo Tuesday morning at 10:00. Bam.

JL: You’ll be getting a check for that.

SR: I take all that money and put it back into the podcast.

JL: He puts it right back into the industry.

SR: Patrick, do you have a list of questions you’d like to ask us?

Yes and I would love to get through them.

SR: My publicist told me we were obligated to do 30 minutes.

HBO, how did you guys get hooked up with them?

SR: Do you know James Gandolfini, he played Tony Soprano?

I’m familiar.

SR: He’s married to my sister.

JL: We were approached by a company that handles internet campaigns for stuff like tv shows, movies, I think car companies, things like that. They approached us and brought us into the fold and HBO was the first client that acccepted. We’ve been working with them since.

And what comes out of that?

JL: About $400 each per month.

SR: We don’t discuss figures. What comes out of it? Can I tell you what comes out of it? Being associated with HBO. Which has more Emmy nominations in the last 10 years than any other fucking network. That’s what comes out of it, Patrick.

Have you guys seen an episode of True Blood?

SR: Actually Jonathan was offered a role as a vampire.

JL: A Creole vampire. But Seth’s answer, although we’re fucking around, has to do more with just being associated with a network of that scale. It shows us that UYD has a big enough audience that warrants that network to spend money to plug us and that’s a cool thing, considering the subject matter we deal with and the way we do the show and the fact that it’s sort of grass roots and we just do shit the way that we do it. I feel like maybe it’s at a tipping point in some sense. We may be able to make a living out of this and how do we go about doing that while still maintaining what it is we love about doing the show, which is that it feels like it’s ours. We can still control it to some extent and the audience feels like they have their fingers in it as well, because they do. The idea is to figure out how to maintain that and more of it. And to be able to do more of it we need to be able to make more money from it and there has to be a solution where those two things can be achieved. (The sponsorship) is definitely a step in that direction. We take this thing pretty fucking seriously as much as we fuck around.

It definitely shows too. Everyone I know who listens really looks forward to the new episodes and as cheesy as it sounds, it’s comforting to have that every Monday morning when I sit down at my desk.

JL: It’s not cheesy. It’s truly the coolest thing, for me, when people tell me that it’s seeped into their daily or weekly routine. It’s a complete and total fucking trip.

SR: This guy left me a voicemail message, he lives out in Minnesota. He said there’s an arts festival there this weekend and he put in a submission called “Happiness.” It’s an episode of UYD. That’s his submission. So thank you to that man.

I would like to close the interview with some James Lipton, Inside the Actor’s Studio questions.

SR: Give them to me.

JL: I’ve been waiting to answer these questions for 25 years. Seth goes first.

What is your favorite word?

SR: “Jonathan.”

What is your least favorite word?

SR: “Jonathan.”

What sound or noise do you love?

SR: I like the sound that Jonathan makes, that air-horn noise…what is that Jonathan?

JL: (makes Bum Bum Bum BUUUUUm noise, simliar to that in the beginning of many dancehall songs).

SR: That’s my favorite noise.

JL The fucking dancehall foghorn.

What sound or noise do you hate?

SR: When Jonathan clicks the button that stops our recording.

JL: I knew you were either going to say that, or “when I close the door to leave your apartment.”

And finally, if Heaven exists, what would you like God to say to you when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

SR: “I thought episode 627 was your best episode.”

Jonathan, are you ready?

JL: I’m ready, I guess.

What is your favorite word?

JL: I think “cunt” is good word.

SR: Sure is.

JL: You know what it is, it’s because Lipton sometimes asks “what’s your favorite curse word?” So my favorite curse word is either “cunt” or “cocksucker.” Those are the two that I enjoy saying the most, and they seem to get the point across better than others. But my favorite word is probably “energy.”

What is your least favorite word?

JL: “Empty.”

What sound or noise do you love?

JL: I ate mushrooms once when I was a kid and that night I started doing this humming sound with my mouth. At the same time, if I held my teeth really close together, but they weren’t touching, they would also begin to vibrate and I was convinced that I had created a new sound that human bodies could make. Similar to Bob Marley’s crazy, scream cockle thing that I have never heard anyone else do. It was like that, like a sound nobody else could make. And it kind of goes like this, (Jonathan makes a sound I have never heard before).

What sound or noise do you hate?

JL: I’ve always hated the sounds of those old classroom chairs with the metal legs, when they would scrape against the concrete or asphalt.

And finally, if Heaven exists, what would you like God to say to you when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

JL: “Is it three shots or four shots in a Caramel Macchiato?”

It depends on what size.

JL: I’d love to answer that question seriously. I just don’t honestly see how I could manage to do it…I think any sort of confirmation, any kind of pat on my shoulder would be nice.

SR: Like, wink at you.

JL: I would like God to bat an eyelash at me.

SR: “Hey you’re here. What are you doing tonight? You hungry?”

JL: “Hey, are you hungry?”

SR: ” You must be starving. You had a crazy day with dying and everything.”

***LINKS***

Official Web Site

Myspace

UYD on Podcast Alley

YouTube Channel

A Great Pancake Recipe