Heavy Metal Monday: 9/28/09

Heavy metal bands take no shit, rock hard, and are very intimidating….most of the time.  Back in the ’80s, record companies got massive big-hair boners for the bands in L.A.  Any ass clown that could play 3 chords, had long hair, or booked a gig at The Rainbow/Whiskey had a shot at making it big.  How very lame.  Because of this L.A. explosion, we had to suffer through many shitty bands, as well as the classic formula of “hit/ballad/hit”.

It is now almost 30 years later and safe to laugh at most of those bands.  Today we are going to laugh at DOKKEN.

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Different Bay To Direct “Nightmare” Re-Make

Even though the thought of an Elm Street re-make causes my brain to hemorrhage, knowing that Michael Bay is no longer directing it eases the pooling blood in my skull. /Film discovered that Samuel Bayer will be the conductor of this disaster train, and it still looks like an inevitable derailment is in store. Bayer’s directing “skills” have only been for projects lasting a mighty 2-5 minutes. That’s right. He’s a music video director. The only way he could make Nightmare on Elm Street any better would be if he directed Dokken’s “Dream Warriors”. Then I could at least walk into this atrocity with a mildly open mind.

(just because that video is super sweet)

Welcome To RBM, BITCH!

Due to a severe face melting on Saturday night, I have fallen a little behind on my horror themed reviews. So to make up for the day that was lost, you get a two-fister review, right in the love pump.

Much like the great Ohmars, I too was mentally ruined by a particular 80’s fright flick. His was Poltergeist, a film that did a raging number on my He-Man sheets as well, but that movie was nothing compared to the terror that still haunts me to this very damn day.