“THOR”: Norse Gods And A Demented Defender

I know what you’re thinking.  “This guy has problems.”  Well, if by problems you mean a strong desire to be awesome, then you’re correct.  Not many people have the balls to fully embrace something they love to the extent that I do, and that’s a shame.  Why wouldn’t you want to absorb might, strength, and power into your daily lives?  The Norsemen had the right idea, so grow a pair and live life the Viking way!  MARVEL studios has been doing just that, and THOR is all the proof you need.

Kicking of the best weekend ever, my buddy T-Bone and I took a trip to the Liberty Tree mall to watch the newest MARVEL film about Norse gods and how awesome they are.  Now I usually get strange looks when stomping through the hallways of any establishment, but the looks I got this morning were ones for the record books.  You’d think seeing a dude with a beard and a Viking helmet around the Salem area is normal.  Not according to these people.  Every face contorted in that “what the hell?!” reaction I seem to get often.  At least the ticket guy knew what’s up.  All he said was “dude, NICE!” when I approached him in my Thor-iform.  On to the movie.

I honestly didn’t know what to expect.  From the trailers I’ve seen, this looked to be one wild ass good time.  But half the time I think a movie will be awesome, it turns out to be total shit.  Not this time.

Despite his lack of muscle mass and all around size, Chris Hemsworth nailed the part.  Even though it would’ve made more sense to have me in the movie, his delivery with Thor’s dialogue was fantastic.  In fact, I plan on using some of his one-liners when I hit up some sleazy bars in the future.

Loki was a mild upset.  I understand they’re trying to lay the ground work for future films, but Loki seemed more like a wienie than an all out dick.  He doesn’t start getting truly slimy till about half way through the film.

Casting Anthony Hopkins as Odin was the most brilliant idea Brana has ever had.  There wasn’t/isn’t a single thing that man can do to upset me.  Seriously.  Who else could you picture as Odin?  He IS the All Father.

My views on the Warriors Three shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone.  When I found out that Volstagg wasn’t going to be a tub of goo, I lost it.  But once again I was wrong.  Even though he was half the size he should’ve been, Volstagg was great.  The dude playing Fandral couldn’t have done a better job.  Though seeing an Asian as Hogun kind of bothered me.  I have no qwams with Asians, mind you, it’s just seeing and Asian dude play a Norse god is rather weird.  So was seeing a black dude as Heimdall (the guy who watches over Bifrost ((the rainbow bridge))).  These guys are suppose to be NORSE GODS!  Last time I checked there weren’t many black/asian guys in their pantheon.

Now for my favorite part.  Natalie Portman.  I can’t think of a single thing this girl has done that I didn’t like (newer Star Wars films don’t count or exist).  She is sweet, and sexy, and awesome, and is the perfect girl to play Jane Foster.  It confused me why they made her a super-brain physicist instead of a paramedic.  But she’s Natalie fucking Portman and can be what ever she wants to do.

My biggest gripes about the movie were actually very small.  The Frost Giants weren’t really all that giant at all and looked like a cross between the Wishmaster and a Tolkien goblin.  But they still died just like any other giant would.  Some mild irritation developed when they briefly talked about weather or not Thor and the Asgardians were actually gods, though they handled it in the best way possible.  You’ll see when you watch the film.

With a ton of killer one-liners and enough easter eggs to satisfy any comic book nerd, THOR was one “Hel” of a good time.  Only the first Iron Man movie tops this in the running as “Best MARVEL Movie”, and that says something.  Take my advice and watch this film like 1,000 times.  I know I plan on doing just that, mainly for Asguard and Natalie Portman.


2 Responses to “THOR”: Norse Gods And A Demented Defender

  1. Cold Slither says:

    Great post! I just wanted to say that in the comics, they always made Hogun the Grim Asian.

    They also say in the comics that the Asgardians came from another realm and set up shop around Midgard. This is way before Odin and even before his father Bor. They ended up being worshiped by the humans and they kind of took on how the humans perceived them. Now whether they originated close to Earth or not, they are still fucking badical and have powers and might and would be gods either way. That being said I haven’t seen the movie yet so I am not sure how they explain it. Yet!

    I’m glad you liked it, now I can’t wait!

  2. defender669 says:

    I keep getting the myths and comic stuff confused. In a post I made a while ago, I mentioned that it bothered me how Odin took Mjolnir from Thor in the trailer. From the stuff I read, Loki had the dwarves craft the hammer as a gift for Thor after he cut off Sif’s hair and only Thor could lift it. But Odin can do what ever he wants, I guess lol.

    Thanks for reading!

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