Horcruxes, Butter-Beers, And Jailbait: An RBM Look At “HP 7”

Thursday nights are usually nothing special to me, other than being the precursor to my two days off.  This one was different.  Despite my initial instinct to use my time off to lounge around in my own stink watching stupid movies, I decided to join some fellow nerds for the premier of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows (Part 1).

Never did I feel more out of my element than tonight at Cinema Salem.  Sure my “Mad Eye Moody” costume kicked major ass, but something in the air was giving me a creepy vibe.  Perhaps it had something to do with the slew of tween girls dawning Hogwarts uniforms, and I was first in line with a costumed group whose youngest member is 28?  Some of the girls in attendance had me wishing for a Time Turner, though that thought ended the second I remembered how gross that would be.

As sweet and original my costume was, some dink showed up wearing a more authentic one.  His real leather trench, menacing looking walking stick adorned with a powerful jewel, novelty magic eyeball, and actual thinning hair were all top notch.  I felt defeated, up until I noticed he forgot a flask and metal/spray painted shoe.  I took that round, with one or two insults hurled my way.  But enough nonsense.  On to the movie.

I have to say this was hands down the better of all the Potter pictures, up ’till now.  All of the cast took their acting chops to the next level in this one, and it’s about damn time.  The seriousness delivered behind every line proved that this troupe ain’t kids no more.

I was afraid the more adult themes would be glossed over in order to cater to a younger audience, but boy was I wrong.  Never did I expect to walk into this thing thinking I’d get to see some Hermione side-boob action.  It was a pivotal part of the film involving the destruction of a “horcrux”, however side-boob takes president…especially when it’s involving a half naked Hermione.  Giggity.

The ever-present sense of imminent doom was something I enjoyed.  It was like when the healer falls during a rough game of Dungeons and Dragons.  You know everything’s going to be fine in the end, yet you don’t know how in the nine hells you’re going to make it there.

Now I don’t consider myself a huge Harry hound.  I do like to think that I could hold my own in any Potter powwow, though.  I only say this because while I was too focused on the right amount of action mixed with just enough romance, a friend of mine was dissecting the film for the missing parts in the book.  I’m not going to sit here and write out everything that the movie lacked, mostly cuz my friend pointed out a shit load of missing stuff, but mainly cuz the buzz from my Polyjuice Potion vanished hours ago.  What I can tell you is that reading the book is a must.  So much stuff that is vital to the story line got left out of the film (a common occurrence when translating books to a visual medium), and it’s going to be quite interesting to see if they’re going to tie it all up in the second part.  My bet is they won’t.

Even though I braved the cold outside world to sit in line for 2 hours on a chair that was too small for my fat ass, I’d do it again in a heart beat.  The first “episode” of Deathly Hallows was amaze-balls, and I hope your experience is just as sweet.  Although I doubt yours will end with a note on your windshield, scribbled in archaic runes, requesting you park your car elsewhere when visiting a friend’s house.  Because that’s how mine ended.

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