We only have a few short hours until tonight’s new episode, so I might as well re-cap what we saw last week. Perhaps now is a good time to reflect on how monumentally lazy I am? Maybe I should buckle down and bang out more entertaining posts for you people? Nah. I’ll do it later. It’s LOST time.
The latest off island escapades centered around our quick-witted son of a bitch, Sawyer. Because flight 815 took a trip to the Twilight Zone instead of crashing on the island, Sawyer is now a cop. After the whole “parents getting killed” thing, little James Ford decided to become the blue Power Ranger and hunt down the “real” Sawyer. But as per article #15 in Zordon’s Ranger Rulebook, all Rangers must have a partner. Miles was that partner. In fact, Miles was such a good little buddy that he set up Sawyer on a night of drinks and doin’ it with Charlotte. What a great pal.
Sadly, Sideways Charlotte stumbled upon Sawyer’s “Sawyer File”. He caught her, threw her out, got dumped by Miles, then punched out a mirror (witch was quite poetic if you ask me). Ya see, telling lies and divulging the truth was the Robert Kuisis style moral of the episode. Needless to say, Sawyer shares his dark past with Miles. It was too late for Charlotte though. She rejected his apology almost as fast as Commander Riker is with the ladies. He even brought her BEER! Typical woman.
Let’s now jump back to the future. We got to catch up with Not Locke’s crew of misfit toys for some good times, cat fights, back story on The Man in Black/Not Locke, as well as Sawyer telling it like it is.
Kate was chatting with the soulless Sayid about Allah when Claire came out of no where, tackled Kate, and nearly stabbed her in the throat. She would have succeeded if Not Locke hadn’t stepped in. He dragged Claire to the side, smacked her in the face, and told her the truth about Aaron (why Kate had to raise him). That shut her ass right the fuck up.
Not Locke went after Kate and found her crying against some bamboo. He brought her down to the beach and started telling a tale of how his mom was a nut bar just like Claire. Oddly enough, this seemed to make Kate feel better. She was then informed of the whereabouts of Sawyer.
“You’re the best liar I’ve ever met”. Truer words have never been spoken about Sawyer, and the fact that Not Locke said them made it that much more awesome. He sent Sawyer over to Hydra Island for a little “RECON”. Have we forgotten about that mostly intact plane that landed recently? Smokey told Sawyer to check on the people that were still over there and reminded us (yet again) how badly he wants off the island.
When Sawyer did a little sniffing around, he found a big fuck pile of corpses rotting in the beautiful Hydra Island sun. Yummy. The survivor left was some brunette broad who bombarded Sawyer with questions. I was quite shocked at how blunt he was being in this episode. He totally complimented this chick on her ways of conning people right before he was held up at gun point. “Take Me To Yer Leader”. Priceless.
Sawyer was brought to none other than Charles Widmore. His people were in the process of setting up some of those pylons to repel Smokey. Like that’s gonna work. There was also a door with three padlocks on it. It’s probably to keep Desmond from time-jumping, but that’s just a theory that’s been bumping around my brain.
Some pleasantries were shared between Sawyer and Widmore before Sawyer cut through the bullshit. He told Widmore everything that Not Locke had planned, how he’d tell Not Locke that no one was on the island to lure him to Widmore, and that he wants off. As soon as he returned to Dharma island, he told Not Locke everything he told Widmore (practically verbatim) and said they’ll be ready for a slaughter when Smokey rolls in. I think Not Locke wants to reunite with Widmore. Yet another theory of mine.
The only other thing that happened was Sawyer telling Kate how he plans on stealing the sub Widmore rode in on. Oh yeah, Kate and Claire made up.
Tonight we will FINALLY get a shit load of back story on Richard Alpert. Words can’t express just how gosh darn excited I am.