Drill-Bit Lobotomy: The “Shutter Island” Review

WOW. What a mind-fuck!!! As if I didn’t have enough to deal with when it comes to mental people at my work, now there’s psycho cinematic bullshit to juggle with.  And I’m on my damn vacation!

SHUTTER ISLAND is a film to be reckoned with, and I don’t mean in that old-school “hey-let’s-make-a-movie-about-mental-hospitals” way.  OH no. There are many levels to this movie.

Just to give you a basic run down, this is my take on the flick:  Way back in 1954, U.S. Marshal Teddy Daniels is brought to Shutter Island, a super secluded mental health facility off the coast of Boston to find out how one of their patients escaped, despite the cracker-jack staff’s strict adherence to protocol.  But there’s something strange amongst the staff on Shutter Island.  Everyone is reluctant to divulge the true X-Files esque goings on, and it’s up to Daniels to figure out where this patient is, what is “really going on there”, and what Ben “Head Shrink In Charge” Kingsly is keeping secret.

I don’t have the time, nor the patience, to read the book that this film was based off of.  But let me say this, Martin Scorsese knows how to ensnare an audience with his talking picture tentacles.   There wasn’t a moment where I thought a different movie would be best to watch.  He totally held my brain hostage.

Deep character development and wild environments kept me enthralled throughout the duration of this picture, especially when the rather depressed looking “Casey Jones” (who looked like he pushed one too many of head Ninja Turtle Leonardo’s buttons) showed up in one of Daniels’ hallucinations.

There were quite a few things that had me stroking my happy-schlong time and time again.  1)  “Buffalo Bill” being cast as the Warden of Shutter Island.  I couldn’t think of a better person to look after a bunch of psychos than a dude who keeps size 14 chicks hostage in an old well while he tucks his dong between his legs to the tune of Goodbye Horses than that guy.  Bravo.

2)  Who would’ve thought that Drew Carey’s older, balder, fatter sitcom bro would make a great prison guard?  I sure’s hell didn’t.  Then again, when I saw him in Gothika it was quite the surprise.

3)  This may come across as a bit racist, but I work in the public health field so you can eat it if you think so.  I laughed my ass of as soon as I saw the black orderlies.  3/4 of the staff where I work are black, and most movies set in mental hospitals have black staff.  What?  You don’t believe me?  Just watch One Flew Over The Coo-Coos Nest.  For some reason, most mental health employees are of African American decent.  I can’t explain it.  All I know is….it’s true.

Normal critics would give away the whole story as well as the killer ending.  But you want to know something, I fucking hate that shit.  There are so many great films out there with outrageous twists (fuck you M.Night Shamamalan for banking on them) that it would be a shit thing for me to divulge such a thing to any who have not seen this movie.  The best that I can do for you people is to say that you should watch this movie, bring your friends so you can discuss the subtle nuances, then hit up a Q-Doba like I did.  Yer brain may be on the fucked up side, but at least yer belly will be filled with sweet tacos.

TRAILER FOR THE DUMB:

Be grateful you don’t have my job.  Movies like this make it impossible to perform correctly.

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