Let’s Get LOST: “DR. LINUS”

What a great episode.  Entertainment could be found in BOTH realities this week, and there wasn’t a dude with a planet sized head sitting in front of me either!  I got the full screen AND a hot blond girl who’s butt crack showed every time she stood up!! Stomach bug aside, life is grand.

Sideways: In this episode we got to join DR Ben Linus (that’s right, DOCTOR) in an epic quest to usurp the dickless principal (yes it’s true, this man has no dick) of the high school where he, Leslie Arzt, and Lock the Substitute teach.  Growing tired of dealing with the dopes in detention hall, the cancellation of History club, as well as feeling the total suckage of his life after him and his dad left the island, Dr Linus decided to throw his sweater-vest in the ring for principal.  After all, who wouldn’t listen to an in charge Linus?  We all know Locke would.

During an early morning study session with Sideways Alex (back and still hot as hell), she informs Dr Doom of a little school time sexcapade she witnessed between the nurse and lovable principal.  With said information in hand, the great Dr Linus gets Leslie to “obtain” some emails sent between nurse and principal, after a little quid-pro-quo (Arzt wants new science supplies and a better shadier parking spot).  Linus cornered principal “Peck” in his office demanding full principalship and “Peck’s” resignation in exchange for the emails.  Peck pulled a “well now it is my turn wise-ass” and told the great doc that if he wanted to follow through with his little plan he would destroy any chance Alex had of getting into Yale.  WHAT A DICK!  Linus caved, not only saving Sideways Alex’s future, but securing his spot as depressed history teacher.  Hey, at least he doesn’t have to run the detention hall anymore.

Normalways: There wasn’t a whole hell of a lot of goings on with Ben on the island, save a shit load of redemption.  Ilana had Miles ask the ashes of Jacob what reeeelly happened under the four toed foot.  They all found out what we’ve known for a while, placing Ben in a very bad light.  It was rather strange since he’s such a nice guy who would never do anything like that.  As punishment for his crimes against the island, Ilana made Ben dig his own grave.

Not Locke showed up, freed Ben from his plane parts shackles, then told him to head to The Hydra station on the other island (after he kills Ilana, of course).  Ben bolted into the jungle to the awaiting rifle Not Locke left for him, with Ilana hot on his heels.  At this point, I thought he was totally going to off her.  Nope.  He began spilling his guts about why he did what he did, in a rather dramatic fashion I might add.  He said “NO ONE WILL HAVE ME!”, in witch Ilana stated “I’ll have you.”  and walked away.  They SO should have hugged it out.

Meanwhile, in yet another story line, Jack and Hurley were on their way back to The Temple when they ran into Richard.  It seems now that Jacob’s dead, Richard believes his unnaturally long life was without purpose so he wants to die.  One small problem…he can’t kill himself.  The island won’t let him.  So thinking he’s found a loophole, Richard brought Jack and Hurley to The Black Rock and told Jack to blow him to kingdom come (by use of dynamite you pervs).  Here’s where Jack got all awesome.  He lit the fuse then sat down for a little chat.  I think he’s starting to come around people.  Jack’s logic was as follows:  If Jacob has been watching Jack from the lighthouse all this time and brought him to the island for a reason, why would he let him get blown up by a piece of dynamite?

By episode’s end,  there was a big reunion that was very reminiscent of a previous episode, with one exception.  A submarine was watching from afar.

With a victory fist pump from my near always correct friend Gabe, Charles Whitmore was on the sub.  As if the shit had already hit the fan.  See ya next week when all of our questions will be answered with more questions.

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