We’re now a good 3 episodes deep into the final season of LOST. The double whammy from last week’s premiere sent my brain into overload, resulting in no review. It can only handle so many long awaited answers until it goes into sleep mode. With that being said, let’s get LOST.
Last night dealt with a bunch of “Normal” Kate and “Sideways” Kate. With a title like “What Kate Does” (eerily close to the “What Kate Did” episode of long ago), it was easy to assume we were going to deal a lot with “Sideways” Kate. S-Kate escaped the iron claw of Marshal Edward Mars and car-jacked a taxi (driven by the fat guy from HEROES who could use people as marionettes), then held Claire (the girl of my dreams) at gunpoint after driving over Artz’ luggage. Fat guy, in true gross looking fat dude fashion, ran away at the first red light. S-Kate manned the helm of the taxi, stole Claire’s purse, then drove off leaving my girlfriend standing scared on the sidewalk. What a bitch.
Her cuffed hands freed by the help of a sleazy looking mechanic (who was in a bitchin’ episode of X-Files years ago), S-Kate found a shit ton of baby gear in the bag she stole from Claire. Feeling guilty, S-Kate went to find her. They had some girl talk; Claire mentioned that she was still going through with giving away her kid, and that the adoptive parents never showed to pick her up. S-Kate decided to give Claire a lift to where these people live. Long story short, stuff went down and the family changed their minds. Upon hearing this, Claire had a mild freak-out that sent her into labor. Guess who here doctor was at the hospital? That’s right…Ethan Creepyface. The joke “I don’t want to have to stick needles in you” was unnerving. That dude was born to play evil characters.
Our trek through Sideways LOST ended mostly with S-Kate telling Claire to keep the kid. It’s island time. Because I spent so much time yapping about how hot I think Claire is, I’ll try to keep this short.
“He’s an Iraqi torturer who shoots kids. He definitely deserves another go around”. I guess the only way to bring back people to life on the island is to drown their corpse in rust colored water. Who knew? New Asian Guy and Skinny Hippie showed Sayid a little karmic justice by use of strange powder, electric nipple clamps, and a red-hot poker to the gut. They said to him (then to Jack later on) that he was being “diagnosed”. Turns out being brought back to life on the island fills you with a darkness/infection; stuff we learned after Jack decided against giving Sayid the questionable pill made by New Asian Guy. The pellet with the poison (that’s right, it was poison) was made to kill Sayid to prevent this “darkness” from reaching his heart, like it had with Jack’s sister (oh shit, what could that mean?). Good job Jack. Way to keep that streak of piss poor decisions strong.
With Juliette now pushing up jungle, Sawyer left The Temple to spend some much needed time in the Angry Dome that is destroyed Dharma Ville. After Sawyer’s manly Temple departure, “normal” Kate went after him even though he flatly told her “Don’t come after me”. Didn’t Jack say that very thing to her when he was livin’ la vida loca with The Others? Hmmm. Something to ponder over.
N-Kate, accompanied by Jin and two Other Others, used her mighty tracking skills to locate Sawyer. While on their jaunt through the jungle, we learn that one of the other Others was the same dude N-Kate rifle-butted back in season 3 during the Wookie prisoner trick (coincidentally he is also Mac from It’s Always Sunny). She gets away by setting off a Rousseau-like jungle trap, finds Sawyer looking for the engagement ring he planned on giving Juliette, then joins him in a dock side crying session. He clearly wanted to be left alone to brood, so N-Kate headed back to the Temple.
Jin, having decided to let N-Kate keep being a stupid slut, was on his own way back to the Temple when he got jumped by the two other Others. He tried to run away but his foot found it’s way into a bear trap. Aldo (the smart mouth) was ready to kill Jin, but was shot by someone off in the jungle. Guess who. CLAIRE!!! Either she’s gone the way of Rousseau who apparently “died years ago”, or she’s joined up with Not-Locke. Remember how we learned last week that Not-Locke is the Smoke Monster AND all the ghosts that have been popping up ’round the island? Well, that must mean it was Not-Locke/Smoke Monster who took Claire all those episodes ago. I thought she was hot in that skirt and calf high converse outfit. But mess up her hair, throw a little jungle juice on her, and place a rifle in her hands! We’re talking robo-babe.
Now that Claire’s back and Sayid is full of darkness, does this insinuate that Not-Locke is brewing an army out of the Losties? If so, what side will Sawyer be on? I hope it’s with Not-Locke. It feels like an epic battle between Sawyer and Jack is on the horizon, and we’re gonna get caught up in the cluster-fuck. The suspense is terrible! I hope it’ll last.