Heavy Metal Monday: 11/16/09


How do you make heavy metal heavier?  With fucking power tools, of course!  Jesse James Dupree rigged the family chainsaw with a device that allows its wielder to alter the sounds of the saw, creating noises that are similar to music.  This will come in handy during those late night hootenannies on the farm.  A chainsaw would sound beautifully with a washboard player, a jug blower, and slack-jawed yokels tapping their bare calloused feet on the porch while chickens run wild.  I’m willing to bet he thought this up while on a moonshine binge, trying to find new and interesting ways to glorify the lifestyles of being a redneck.  Follow the jump to see white trash at it’s finest.

Jackyl: The Lumberjack

Jackyl came to my neck of the woods a few years ago; a monumental event, much like bath time for the band.  I ventured to Mark’s Show Place (a New Hampshire titty bar) with a good friend, hoping to see a maniac destroy a bar stool with a chainsaw.  As we pulled into the parking lot, we saw nothing but pick-ups on huge ass tires.  Now when going to see a band like Jackyl, it shouldn’t come as a big surprise if they brought all of their gear in such vehicles.  Unfortunately for us, they didn’t.  No bus.  No van.  NOTHING! The fuckers bailed with out notice.  Needless to say, we were beyond pissed off.  We wanted to see fucking chainsaws, damn it!

All was not lost.  To make up for our epic screw over at the hands of Jesse James Dupree and the country bumpkins of Jackyl, we drove back home to our local strip club (The Cabaret Lounge) for some much needed class.  I learned a few things that night.  First off:  Jesse James Dupree is a colossal douche.  Second:  confirm that the band you’re planning on seeing is actually playing so you don’t make a 2 hour round trip for nothing.  Lastly:  cheap beer and hot slutty stripper girls make for one fantastic evening.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: