Thursday Throwbacks: 10/8/09


As children, most of us had the funtastic experience of waiting in long lines, ascending many ramps/stairs, with the soul purpose of getting strapped tightly into seats that were attached to metallic death mobiles.  The “fun” came when these death mobiles slowly pulled you up gargantuan hills of wood/metal, gave you a split second flash of your rather short life, then sent you rocketing to your doom down the other side (at speeds that challenge The Flash) while tossing hair-pin turns (and more hills) in your path before safely returning you to your nervous parents.

Most of these thrill rides are relatively safe.  However, once in a while a ride comes along that is so dangerous some never return.  Such a thing happened to Hank and his group of palls mere minutes after boarding the Dungeons & Dragons ride.

The Night of No Tomorrow

Eye of the Beholder

The Hall of Bones

Valley of the Unicorns

In Search of the Dungeon Master

Beauty and the Bogbeast

Prison Without Walls

Servant of Evil

Quest of the Skeleton Warrior

The Garden of Zinn

The Dragon’s Graveyard

Though this show was based off of the table top/strategy/roll playing/adventure game (and was meant to please the basement dwelling, mommy loving, book worms who played the game), it only managed to anger those who seriously loved the game.  Being one who still slays orcs and goblins every week, I understand why old-school players would be driven to kill as a result of this show.  One major reason is the Dungeon Master character.  He’s not even a living presence in the game!  Even if he was, my gut tells me that he wouldn’t be the balding midget, with a drive to be an epic prick, like the one in the cartoon.

Other players from the days of old have vented their percolating hatred of the show to me.  Uni, the bleating infant version of a unicorn, was the topic of most discussions.  To quote one of them, “Those idiots are always looking for food.  Why don’t they just have the barbarian kill it and grill it up?!  God, I hate that fucking thing!”.  As you can plainly see, I played with some serious gamers.

On top of insulting countless amounts of dungeon dorks, the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon also managed to piss off The National Coalition of Television Violence.  They claim the show was the most violent show on network television.  If that was the case back in the ’80s, I’d love to know what they think of today’s murderous sitcoms.


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