Thursday Throwbacks: 8/27/09

CaptainN

Since the first time Billy Everyteen hooked up his home version of PONG to the family television set, adults that can’t stand to see children enjoy themselves have been professing the dangers of video games.  Even though us “kids” refuse to believe the vicious lies being shoved down our throats, we blindly play for hours on end.  We at RBM have stumbled upon a rather interesting article from the Northridge High School news paper that claims some video games may be extremely dangerous.

The article tells of a student named Kevin Keene; a boy on the Varsity Swim Team who vanished with out a trace back in 1989.  But there’s a mystery surrounding his disappearance.  His mother reported that he was playing a little Nintendo instead of cleaning his room.  When she went to check on him, both him and his dog Duke were no where to be found.  No signs of a break in, no evidence of foul play, just an NES Advantage controller and loads of Nintendo Power magazines strewn haphazardly on the floor.capn_intro

I had the opportunity to speak with some of Kevin’s palls.  They informed me that Kevin had a natural talent for beating video games.  Some even referred to him as a “Game Master“.  I found this hard to believe, mostly because the only “Game Master” that I know of is a little kid with a lunch box that doesn’t like to talk all that much.  But he’s more of a WIZARD than a Game Master.

Kevin’s friends also told me that many of the kids think that he didn’t disappear.  Rumor has it that Kevin and Duke got sucked into the very world he enjoyed so much.  I scoffed all the way back to the RBM Offices, up until I saw a DVD marked Captain N:  The Game Master sitting on my desk.  All my sexy secretary could tell me was that “it was dropped off by a mysterious man with a bow in his hand, and cute little wings on his back”.  I give to you solid proof that the kids of Northridge were right about what happened to Kevin and Duke.  How this story never made it to Unsolved Mysteries is beyond me.

Kevin In Videoland

HOW’S BAYOU

The Most Dangerous Game Master

Videolympics

Mega Trouble For Megaland

Wishful Thinking

Three Men & A Dragon

Mr & Mrs Mother Brain

Nightmare On Mother Brain’s Street

Potion Of Power

If you ask me, a rescue attempt at this point is out of the question.  Sure, many more Game Masters have emerged over the years, so it is possible to form a super team to bring Kevin and Duke back.  But with the way things are these days, Kevin is better off spending his remaining years thwarting the 8 bit bad guys of yester year.  Think about it.  He’s been gone for 20 years.  Should we bring him home, he’d be playing console catch-up ’till he’s old and gray.  Let us remember Kevin the way he would’ve wanted us to…at the top of his game.

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