Defender And Oh Mars Feast On A Slice Of “AVATAR” Pie

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“Yeah…I heard the word shit, AND I saw a boob.”- Oh Mars

It feels good being an awesome person.  You get first dibs on certain things that the normies have to wait months for, receive discounts on over priced theater tickets, and become one of the select few to see a small part of AVATAR, the much anticipated James Cameron film.  Lord Oh Mars and I happen to be such people.

Early this evening, 20th Century Fox held private viewings of AVATAR in select theaters around the country.  The AMC theater in Danvers happened to be one of the prestigious cinemas to host such a showing.  After registering online for a seat, we were informed that the Piracy Police would be on high alert for any recording rogues in the theater.  You see, AVATAR marks James Cameron’s return to the director’s chair (roughly 13 years after his big boat picture), so this is kind of a huge f’n deal.

Identification in hand, Oh Mars and I stood in line for what was built up to be a full house.  Being lied to sucks.  Maybe 30 people crammed tightly into a room that looked as if it could hold a few hundred.  Lame.  After a rather generous cavity search, getting my preferred “half way up/dead center” seating was joyful.  I did get a little weirded out by the way other people were sitting.  Sounds strange, I know, but it feels more cozy when there’s many patrons strewed about me.  Not having anybody sitting to my right gave me a mild case of vertigo, with a touch of anxiety.  All of that went away as soon as the snack-food tradesman entered, though.  He was rather swave in his sales pitch, although I was the only one to make a purchase (a $3.75 bottle of water.  Bullshit.).

With 3D glasses ready to “3D” (that’s right, AVATAR is in 3 FUCKIN’ D!!), James Cameron burst forth from the enlarged screen to give us a run-down of what we were about to watch (basic plot, some character names, etc.), and to further stress the fact that a cannon was ready to fire movie pirates into the sun, should they be caught.   What we got to see was breathtaking.  I never thought that my eyes would ever get the chance to soak up such beautiful CGI, as they did today.  Cameron hasn’t lost his magical touch.  Bizarre blue cat-like aliens; strange hulking beasts with huge feathers embedded in their thick-skinned skulls; fierce wing-ed lizard creatures;  this movie has it all!!  avatar_1466141c

It’s a little hard to describe every scene that was witnessed, so I will just describe the one that sticks out in my mind the most.  From what I can gather from this film, Jake (the main character) is a paraplegic war veteran who is brought to the planet Pandora.  Through the magic of futuristic science, and a little button pushing from Sigourney Weaver, Jake’s brain is placed inside the body of  a  “Na’vi” (one of those bizarre blue cat-like alien things I spoke of).  In this body, Jake can walk around Pandora as one of the natives.  Everybody with me so far?  He meets up with a female Na’vi who looks like the offspring of Cheetara and Ben-Gali, yet is highly doable (one of her boobie-boobs was clearly visible thanks to her Na’vi fashion sense, or lack there of).

When the piece begins, we find Jake and this blue babe deep within the jungles of Pandora.  Let me tell you something…it has been an extremely long time since a film has caused my jaw to slam into my neck, made my eyelids stretch up to my fastly fading hair line, and set my heart aflutter.  I was physically and mentally blown away.  How they created the intense bio-luminescence in this selected scene is far too complex for our tiny brains to comprehend, that much I’m sure.  It looked so damn real that I stupidly thought it was, but only for a very brief second.

The 15 minute segment showed us a few other mind-blowing scenarios, then ended with a few quick flashes of other parts of the movie (those, too, were quite sick).  We were then informed that those who attended this super-secret, double pinkie-swear event, got first crack at tickets for the midnight showing in December.  Because Oh Mars and I happen to be totally awesome, we got ours.  Let the jealousy begin.

Until December rears it’s chilly, frost covered head, the only thing to keep our AVATAR affliction at ease is the trailer.

December is going to rock.  So Say We All!!!

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One Response to Defender And Oh Mars Feast On A Slice Of “AVATAR” Pie

  1. TBone says:

    This movie has been pumping my nads for 12 months now. Cannot wait!

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