When looking back at ’80s cartoons, and the way they portray future technology, it’s rather bittersweet. Old feelings of wonder resurface, yet they get pummeled back into oblivion when we are reminded of how far from technological cartoon cool we still are. Most of the world figured that by this time we would at least have cool jet-packs of some sort. But the only one capable of commanding such equipment is Chuck Fucking Norris. Plasma cannons; none. teleportation platforms; yeah right. I would even settle for a super propelled scuba suit, but that would be asking for way too much.
To make up for our lack of kick-ass big boy toys, we might as well live vicariously through 3 dudes who happen to have such an awesome arsenal. They even have a fucking orbiting space station named Sky Vault! How cool is that?!!
If you haven’t the foggiest idea as to what today’s cartoon is, just watch the intro and all will be revealed.
THE SKY IS ON FIRE
BATTLE BENEATH THE SEA
FOUND, ONE LOST WORLD
AN ALIEN AFFAIR
CRACK THE WORLD
THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC
THE MUMMY’S CURSE
After the 5 part mini-series, Centurions only ran for another 60 episodes. Very unfortunate for a show with the art talent of comic book legend Jack Kirby. I feel as if I remember there being more than 60 episodes. But I guess things seem a lot more plentiful when you’re 4.
Centurions also had its own line of toys with pieces big enough for a kid to choke on, pets to feast upon, and parents to impale their feet on. Having Ace McCloud wear Jake Rockwell’s land-based artillery (grounding that high flying wing-nut, for once) to fight off Doc Terror was how I got things done. Others would just mix and match to give each character the use of every weapon. Fuck that. Sharing sucks! Plus, the toys looked dumb if they weren’t dawning the complete elemental equipment.
Aside from a line of Centurions based comics, I am rather surprised that no video game adaptation was ever conceived. This show is just begging to be turned into an 8 bit entertainment vessel. Shit, a game like that would be totally bitchin’ on some of the newer game systems that are out there. Can you imagine a Centurions game for PS3? I’d buy it without a second thought. Well, maybe one….“This is gonna be dope!”.
We are now beyond the hump of 2009, and are closing in on 2010. If there are no explosionary breakthroughs in technology sometime soon, the scientists of today must be outed so that fresh brains with zany ideas from our generation can get to work on some cool stuff. I WANT MY FUCKING JET-PACK!!!