Half the fun of pondering over who could be a monumental prick is in the research. You never know who the right candidate is until the heat starts to rise from deep within, boiling your blood, and planting a lasting crease on your brow. I have to use epic restraint when talking about this month’s title-holder, for if I don’t my fist will end up flying through my monitor. He is one of the many SNL alums to prove that if you completely rip off another person’s gimmick, you get rewarded with your very own Late Night talk show later on in life. Saying his name aloud sends wave, after wave of seething hatred racing through my veins. Hell, the more I look at this picture, the sharper the daggers in my eyes become. Best for me to just get this out of the way. This month’s prick….Jimmy Fallon (hwaaaaarf!!!!).
From the first time I saw this Adam Sandler wannabe on SNL, I wanted to split his skull open with my battle-axe. Everything about this man just screams DOUCHE. He isn’t funny, can barely read from a fucking cue-card, and has laughed during more skits than there are known numbers. If I were to turn on the news and find out that this idiot had been hit by a bus, while suffering a heart attack after slurping on one too many manly meat tubes, I would certainly die from hysterical laughter. The fact that a son of a bitch like Fallon took over Late Night after Conan O’Brien left, further fuels my unbridled rage.
After his career on SNL was snuffed out like Smokey The Bear would a forest fire; a true brainiack in Tinsel Town thought it would be a rather swell idea to place a guy, who’s only good use is that of a toilet bowl brush, in a few movies. WHY?!!!! Like I really needed to see that socially retarded mud-flap wearing Red Sox attire. Would somebody just do the right thing and slay him….for me?
Even though every fiber of my being is preventing me from admitting what I’m about to admit, it’s time to man-up. With Conan O’Brien now hosting The Tonight Show, Jimmy “What Does This Button Do?” Fallon took over Conan’s show. During one episode, Fallon had Zack Morris from Saved By The Bell as a guest. As it turns out, Fallon is trying to put together a SBTB reunion. Now, even though I admire this fantastic headache with pictures (idea), it doesn’t mean that my abhorrence has diminished. Not even remotely. I just respect a good concept. Too bad Conan didn’t think to try it out before his departure.
As time goes by, there is little much we can do to prevent Jimmy Fallon from gaining any more clout. All we can do is sit back, crack open a beer of our personal preferance, and wait for the day when his head will explode. Science has proven that when a balloon (or in this case a mamoth sized head) is full of too much hot air, it will either rise into the heavens or errupt in a Hellish conflagration that will kill thousands.