The month of July is nearing it’s final days, yet a new prick has not been chosen. There was good reason for this brash decision. You see, the end of last few months have been laden with celebrity deaths; TEST of the WWE, Starlog, Dave Arneson, J. G. Ballard, Bea Arthur, Dom DeLuise, David Carradine, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson just to name a few. I can’t remember the last time this many famous folk were sent to their afterlives before the year reached its mid-point. Because all of these famous flames have been doused, I decided to wait a while and see if any other stars would be extinguished; it didn’t take long. The only person thing that makes sense to choose for July’s Prick of the Month is none other than the greatest prick of all time. It goes by many names, takes many forms, and we all must face this racketeer from The River Styx at some point in our lives (normally at the end). Raise your scythes for the man in black…Death.
From the beginning of time, Death has been collecting souls faster than Ash Catchum collects Pokemon. He as taken Walter Cronkite, Oscar G. Mayer the hot dog/bologna king, former NFL quarterback Steve McNair, and Mollie Sugden from the British tv show Are You Being Served? (why am JUST NOW learning about this?!!). Holy Hammer of Hephaestus! This year sucks!
Not only is Lord Hades a major lame-wad when it comes to clustering corpses, he is a total dork and one of the sorest losers in recorded history:
Far too many people have kicked it this year, so let us take a moment to say a prayer for all of those who have moved on to the next world. With any luck, we can amass enough power to drive that royal douche-bag back to the underworld…at least for a few months.
See ya next month. \m/