Heavy Metal Monday: 6/01/09

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Not all metal bands consist of 3 – 6 dudes soaked in aqua-net, feeding thirsty livers copious amounts of malt liquor, with a primal urge to fornicate with strippers.  Sometimes a group comes along that feels the need to shake things up a bit, and blast the hair from our melons.  I’m talking about girls.  Girls that sing like the sirens of Greek myths, shred guitars into toothpicks, and pound the drums into dust.

Lita Ford: Kiss Me Deadly

Born Carmelita Rosanna Ford, the mezzo-soprano singer/guitarist joined the all gal rock group The Runaways at the ripe old age of 17.  There she played lead guitar, while fellow metal sister Joan Jett rocked the vocals.  The Runaways called it quits back in ’79, causing the two to go their separate ways.  If you ask me, this worked out great for everybody.  Joan Jett went on to write some fan-fuck-tastic tunes, plus Lita did that amazing duet with Ozzy.

The fact that Lita is devastatingly gorgeous would be more than enough to leave most mortal men spellbound.  But don’t let those good looks fool you.  She can kick your ass to the point where you’d swear a truck-stop arm wrestler had taken you over the top.

Now that just about every metal band from the ’80s have decided to reunite, write new stuff, and tour, tour, tour, Lita Ford will be pumping out a new album as well.  I have also learned that she will be embarking on a 75 date tour to boot!  If I don’t get to see this living Goddess of Metal this year, I swear to mighty FUCKING Odin himself that some heads are gonna roll!

I leave you now with a final picture of the sultry Lita Ford, mostly because I just can’t get enough of her.  Have a magnificent day, and always remember to ROCK, DRINK, and FUCK! \m/

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