Abe Lincoln Had Cancer: Or, “Sick Semper Tyrannis”

funny-pictures-terminator-lincoln

Maybe.

Dr. John Sotos asked a small Philadelphia museum for blood-stained threads from a scrap of the pillow that cradled Lincoln’s head as he lay dying. (he was denied)

Sotos is urging DNA tests in the belief that those examinations would prove that the president suffered from a condition known as multiple endocrine neoplasia type 2B, which spurs nerve cells and bones to excessive growth.

All patients with that condition develop thyroid cancer without treatment; half also will get adrenal gland tumors. (CNN)

Sotos is the author of “The Physical Lincoln” as well as a consultant for the television show House. I saw an episode once where House discovered an undeveloped boob behind a woman’s knee. He used a syringe to extract breast milk from it, then he shot the milk into a little girl’s mouth. I hope Sotos told them to do that, it was awesome.

Does it really matter that Lincoln would’ve developed cancer if Booth hadn’t cut his life short? I dunno, but speculative history kicks ass. Did you know that George Washington was a cannibal? Back in 2000 I lost my shit when “The American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology” published evidence that Napoleon had died of arsenic poisoning. I still call bullshit on that. Everyone knows God killed Napoleon because he rode his Yamaha MX-D1 up to Heaven and sucker punched St. Peter in the kidney.

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