I think it’s official that my homeboy Billy Mays has thoroughly defeated that prostitute-fighter Vince Offer because tonight at 10PM on the Discovery Channel Mays’ new show Pitchmen premiers. The show’s premise involves Billy Mays humoring fellow pitchman Anthony Sullivan into thinking he can compete with Mays’ pitch-tactics, at which point Mays will dazzle us all with his God-given ability to sell only the finest wares that he himself uses on the reg.
The actual description of the show provided by the Discovery Channel goes something like this:
Pitchmen follows the adventures of Billy Mays and Anthony “Sully” Sullivan, two of the most famous and successful pitchmen in history, as they search the world for inventions they believe they can take all the way to the big time. In each episode, this odd couple of pitchmen partners become potential dream merchants for the inventors they discover; most of whom have staked everything they own, and then some, on their inventions. For these lucky individuals, Billy and Sully falling in love with their products and deciding to pitch them to the masses could be the turning point that changes their lives forever. Most of the eccentric characters the pitchmen shepherd are all-in, risking absolutely everything in the biggest gamble of their lives. Will they fall short or, with Billy and Sully’s backing, run their gadgets all the way to glory?
Additionally, the description for tonight’s episode is this:
Billy and Sully try to turn two inventors’ million-dollar dreams into realities. A man from a Texas trailer park has solved a pesky GPS problem, while another man’s gel insoles could be big news for sore feet. But will they sell when put to the test?
I’m not sure what the definition of “captivating television” is, but I’m pretty sure it includes the words “Texas,” “trailer park” and “sore feet.”