Heavy Metal Monday: 3/30/09


Bedrooms soaked in urine.  The stench of poo-gas permeating the air so bad you can taste it.  Food bits and small vomit puddles strewn about in a disorganized fashion.  These things may have comprised your weekend of debauchery.  For me however, this was my night at work.

Every now and then I get struck by an evening that challenges my will, while pushing me to the breaking point.  When these nights occur, there are only 3 things that can ease my rattled brain.  First would be a good few hours of God of War, followed closely by wrapping my pulsating powerful paws firmly around the necks of certain staff at my work.  Lastly, some seriously loud, hard, and heavy metal is needed to torpedo my stress into the far reaches of space.  With great thanks to a long time Salem friend, such a song has been found.

Steel Panther: Death to All but METAL!

Steel Panther caught me totally off guard being yet another amazing band to slip past my radar.  When the line “Kill Madonna too, then fuck her in the butt!” hit my ears, I fell out of my chair, onto my bed, then onto the floor all while holding my stomach, laughing hysterically.  I would’ve wet myself if I hadn’t found the strength to bolt to the john, post haste.

Bands like Steel Panther are just what the metal/glam/hard rock genres need.  With the exception of Amon Amarth and The Donnas, most of the stuff that’s getting pumped out isn’t worth a taint wipe.  But any regular readers of RBM would know my stance on this by now, so a lengthy bitch-fest won’t be needed.

Now that the calming, slumber inducing, affects of a magical muscle relaxer are lulling me off to a wonderland of sexy red-headded metal babes and perfectly crafted Triple Angry Whoppers, I hope that you have enjoyed this week’s selection.  Tune in next week, just as long as you don’t awaken from your black-out, trapped in a prison cell with a dude crocheting an afgan that isn’t there.  \m/


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