School Bus Drivers Need Our Help

Scientific research in progress.

This is an URGENT message to all Americans. WE MUST HELP BUS DRIVERS REGAIN THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR. A sense of humor is probably the most important feature I look for in anything. Men, women, plants, animals, automobiles, snowblowers, chainsaws, camp sites, traveling carnivals, sausage vendors and, of course, Swedes.

There is a simple test that you can perform on anyone in order to determine if they have a sense of humor. I call it the Fart Test. The accuracy of the Fart Test is on par with that of any other rigorous scientific examination. Its results are statistically significant 100% of the time. It has withstood numerous clinical trials and has been subjected to the most skeptical peer review process known to man.

The Fart Test works like this: You fart in front of someone, preferably something audible, although silent-but-deadly types have proven to be effective as well. Then, you observe whether they laugh or not. If they laugh, they have a sense of humor and everything is fine. If they don’t, you’re dealing with Anton Chigurh and you’re fucked.

Now, the following story will indicate why we need to help Bus Driver Americans.

Hold onto your hats:

LAKELAND, Fla. – An eighth-grader was suspended from riding the school bus for three days after being accused of passing gas. The bus driver wrote on a misbehavior form that a 15-year-old teen passing gas on the bus Monday to make the other children laugh, creating a stench so bad that it was difficult to breathe. The bus driver handed the teen the suspension form the next day.

Polk County school officials said there’s no rule against flatulence, but there are rules against causing a disturbance on the bus.

The teen said he wasn’t the one passing gas.

Whether he did it or not, he might have gotten off easy. A 13-year-old student at a Stuart school was arrested in November after authorities said he broke wind in class. (source)

Lord in Heaven, please intervene and come to us in our time of need. Amen.


4 Responses to School Bus Drivers Need Our Help

  1. Johnny Cochran says:

    I would like to present before the court the established legal precedent, originally argued by none other than Thomas “Juicy-one” Jefferson before the Commonwealth of Virginia in 1772, that is, to wit: Thee who smelt it most assuredly dealt it.

  2. Eric McTwapiece says:

    The one thing that you most certainly do not want to take IN YOUR FACE isa fart.(pink eye)

  3. A2ThaCFoSho says:

    The kid should have been charged for polluting. Thats what was causing the ozone layer to delpete! But I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, he could of just been a genius who was trying to discover a new sustainable way to power buses. Or maybe he just likes to bask in the ambiance.

  4. […] little while back I reported that we needed to help school bus drivers, remember? Well, apparently they still need our help because this is just a little too far over the line to be […]

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