School Bus Drivers Need Our Help

March 24, 2009

Scientific research in progress.

This is an URGENT message to all Americans. WE MUST HELP BUS DRIVERS REGAIN THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR. A sense of humor is probably the most important feature I look for in anything. Men, women, plants, animals, automobiles, snowblowers, chainsaws, camp sites, traveling carnivals, sausage vendors and, of course, Swedes.

There is a simple test that you can perform on anyone in order to determine if they have a sense of humor. I call it the Fart Test. The accuracy of the Fart Test is on par with that of any other rigorous scientific examination. Its results are statistically significant 100% of the time. It has withstood numerous clinical trials and has been subjected to the most skeptical peer review process known to man.

The Fart Test works like this: You fart in front of someone, preferably something audible, although silent-but-deadly types have proven to be effective as well. Then, you observe whether they laugh or not. If they laugh, they have a sense of humor and everything is fine. If they don’t, you’re dealing with Anton Chigurh and you’re fucked.

Now, the following story will indicate why we need to help Bus Driver Americans.

Hold onto your hats:

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“Where The Wild Things Are” Screen Shots

March 24, 2009


All that comes to mind when I think of Where The Wild Things Are is a bunch of Cowardly Lion wanna-bees chasing after a kid in his animal pjs that have a zipper caught on the fabric.  I couldn’t tell you what the book is about to save my life, since the thing was read to me at nap time in kindergarten.  In case you are a “Thing” nut, and still enjoy reading books for children, there’s a photo gallery over on the USA Today website that has stills from the highly anticipated film.  From what I can gather from the pics, the movie looks exactly how I remember the book.