Prick Of The Month: March ’09


What a wild weekend it’s been.  Meeting Dan Aykroyd, McNugget Fest, and Malden Madness all in the same day!  To keep up with this random string of events, I decided that choosing the Prick of the Month should be just as random.  There was nobody who could fit the bill better in my mind, than Zack “Preppie” Morris.  His outlandish antics, and arrogant attitude are grounds alone to induct him into the Prick Hall of Fame.

Zack began his chaotic cabal career in the classroom of Miss Bliss.  Most people believe that this early season of the show was part of Saved by the Bell, but they are wrong.  Originally, the show was titled Good Morning Miss Bliss, and Zack’s crew only consisted of Screech, Lisa, Niki, and Mikey.

153138_zach_l1He began his roguish ways with such shenanigans as unleashing “Screech’s” pet rats in the school, treating his pals like crap to join the prestigious “Rigmas”, and sending teen sensation “Stevie” a depressing letter (he faked a terminal illness) so she would sing at his school for him.  Like always, every one of these plans blew up in his face.  But that wouldn’t stop the monarch of mischief!  Middle school was only the place where Zack honed his ways as a rabble-rouser.  He perfected the art of swindle while in high school.

Zack became the master of mischief at Bayside High.  He found ways to piss off friend, foe, and family on more than one occasion.  From rigging the class marriage experiment to be with Kelly, to cashing in on the video yearbook by making “The Girls of Bayside” and selling them to schools around the area, Zack’s rugged good looks/and ability to scheme some how made him the most popular guy at Bayside High.

It wasn’t always easy for Zack to be all the bastard he could be.  There was a new adversary that would put his skills to the ultimate test.  He was buff, had dimples that never stopped, and was the ultimate jock.  Albert Clifford Slater (or A.C. to those that didn’t want to get a major pounding) became the main target of Zack’s dastardly deeds.  Over time, they would trade pranks to one-up each other with Zack usually being the one getting schooled.

There were a few rare occasions when the two would combine forces against the common enemy.  Weather it be getting rid of the handsome substitute teacher, framing Jessie’s step brother Erik, beating rival school Valley in the annual “Prank War”, or preventing Slater’s father from shipping him away to yet another military school, when these two put their brains together nothing could stop them.  Well…almost nothing.

I have tried my damnedest to find some of Zack’s major prick moments on video, but have hit a brick wall.  My words alone aren’t enough to capture how incorrigible Zack Morris truly is, and youtube only has the first two parts of the better episodes.  Until the final parts can be found, here’s the first two parts of the episode called “Blind Dates”:

I know I’m not the only one out there who idolized this man.  His hair defied gravity most of the time (putting super saiyans to shame), and no matter how much of an asshole he was to the people around him, they still remained his friend.  Shit, he even gets the girl in the end!  That right there proves what comedian Lewis Black says is true:  “The good die young, and pricks live forEVER!”  I sometimes think back to the days of old, and remember wishing I had the swagger of Zack Morris.  The ladies would’ve bashed my front door to splinters just for a peak at my grooming habits.

May Zack hence forth be remembered as the King of Crooks.  Show your praise to him in this month of Morris, and watch as much Saved by the Bell as your brain can handle.  With luck, you may learn a fraction of my encyclopedic knowledge.  \m/

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