File this under “Greatest News Stories of 2009,” because this is one amazing piece of police work from the Granite State. From seacoastonline.com:
PORTSMOUTH — A Somersworth man is scheduled to appear in the District Court Friday on a felony charge alleging he sold crack cocaine to an informant working with city police detectives. But according to court records, the alleged crack “field tested” negative for cocaine and looked like bubble gum.
Thomas Duda, 23, of 151 Indigo Hill Road, is charged with a felony count of unlawful sale of a narcotic drug. The charge alleges that on February 15 he met a police informant in the parking lot of the 1645 Woodbury Ave. Market Basket and sold him $200 worth of crack while police detectives observed the transaction. The cash used during the deal was provided by police and in exchange, Duda passed the informant a Cellophane cigarette wrapper containing a white substance, according to a police affidavit.
Duda is alleged to have told the informant the crack was “still soft, but would harden once it dried. “
According to the police affidavit, the so-called crack was tested by local police with a negative result for cocaine, before being sent to a state lab for further testing.
“The substance seems to resemble bubble gum,” according to the police affidavit.
Duda is scheduled to appear in the District Court on Feb. 27 for a probable cause hearing. (source)
I guess that philosophically this makes sense. The informant believed he was buying crack and Duda accepted money for a transaction that he led the buyer to believe was a crack sale. That being said this is fucking batshit wacky. I mean the gum wasn’t even hard yet. This Duda kid rolls up to this drug deal, realizes he dosn’t have anything that is passable for crack, spits out his gum, puts in the cellophane from his cigaretts and tells the kid that it’s not hard yet, but it will be fine when it dries. That’s balls. Or unimaginable stupidity.
I guess the flip side of this would be that Duda suspected that the informant was an informant and sold him the gum thinking that he wouldn’t be ablee to get arrested for selling gum. I don’t want to go overestimating the legal intellect of 23 year old crack dealers, but part of me thinks that he didn’t really believe he could fool somebody with this move. Although crack is purchased by crackheads so, I guess, anything is possible. This will be an interesting one to follow. Stay tuned.
This story also reminds me of one of my favorite episodes of Always Sunny in Philadelphia where Dee and Denis go on welfare.
“I’ll have one crack, please.”