We’ve got ourselves a gem this week folks. Just an ordinary cane, right? Not quite. Does it have some kind of hidden compartment? No. Does it unscrew to reveal a sword? Nope. Is it made of some kind of space material harvested from a meteor that struck the Earth? Close. Is it a bull penis? Ding, ding, ding!!! Winner, winner, chicken dinner. The product description from fashionablecanes.com:
These Genuine Bull Penis Walking Canes and Sticks are made out of real bull penises. The bull organs are actually 36″ or longer and are not stretched out. There is a metal rod inside the cane that is almost invisible to give extra support. The organ is professionally clean and steralized by a professional taxidermists. They are the most unique collector walking cane that can be found. It is also a perfect gift for the most shocking over the hill birthday gift cane!
This thing is frightening on so many levels. First, the sheer size and fact that it is not “stretched out” is pretty damn impressive. Second, the fact that we’re currently in a global recession, yet there still is a viable market for bull penis canes is a little peculiar. Third, it’s “professionally cleaned” by professional taxidermists. What, are there no largemouth bass to catch or deer to shoot where these taxidermists work? New worst job ever: bull penis cleaner/bull penis cane maker. You know that there is one guy out there at whatever taxidermy place cleans these things that does an absolutely AMAZING job.
The lunch table at Big Earl’s Bull Taxidermy:
Earl: You know where Jim is?
Steve: He’s working through lunch. Again.
Earl: Jesus, he is one hell of an employee.
Steve: Yeah, it seems like ever since you got that contract for the bull penis canes he’s been working through a lot of lunches and putting in a lot of overtime.
Earl: He’s been in a better mood too! His wife must be thrilled. He’s bringing home a bigger paycheck and is happy as a clam.
Steve: Jim’s not married Earl.
Earl: He must have a new girlfriend that takes kindly to fancy dinners then. Champagne and lobsters don’t come cheap, ain’t that right Steve?
Steve:….yeah, yeah he must have a new girlfriend….