Monday Morning Wood

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Hello, ladies. How about that psychotic intro to the All Star Game? A Native American chief invoking a fire-bear with ancient voodoo should be played before every sporting event. Or before they distribute medication at retirement homes. I would report on the game, but I’m writing this on Sunday night. Sorry to shock you all, Monday Morning Wood isn’t written on Monday morning. I feel like that masked magician who revealed all the secrets. Only more fit.

I came out of hibernation this weekend with VictorianBlood and attended a party hosted by college kids I’ve never met (VB bailed after about three minutes – thanks hombre!). It was like being on safari, but instead of lions and giraffes, I was surrounded by theater kids – comparable, I know. I gotta tell you, these kids love drama on and off the stage. They can also out-party me. Some girl dressed as “Like a Virgin” era Madonna asked me if my glasses were real. What a bitch! In conclusion, I didn’t wake up in my own bed. On to the news and self-importance…

Above is a French commercial for the Citroen car; preferred whip of young, sexy Ghostbusters. In more Ghostbusters news more Ghostbusters related, Mattel is releasing a 12″ and 6″ line of GB toys this fall and they look really fucking sweet. Check out a grip of photos here.

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Above is the happiest couple in the world: Alfie Patten, Chantelle Steadman, and their baby, Maisie Roxanne. Chantelle managed to squeeze Maisie out using her 15-year-old vag muscles, a remarkable feat for a girl not from New Jersey. Alfie got Chantelle pregnant when he was 12 and…yeah, 12. At that age, I was burying action figures in the backyard and pretending to be a Planeteer. This limey is boning down and shooting his seed in a white girl with a black girl’s name. I’m so jealous.

The shy lad, whose voice has not yet broken, said: “I thought it would be good to have a baby.”

Here’s the first trailer for the remake of the ’74 classic crime caper Taking of Pelham 1 2 3. It’s one of my favorite 70s crime flicks, so I was apprehensive when I heard this was going down. Denzel thought of the great idea to change the occupation of the protaganist from detective to dispatcher, but the trailer makes clear the direction they took that in. The original has one of the most bad-ass opening themes. It makes me want to drive to Denzel’s house and kiss his children on their foreheads. Check it out here.

Sex ed circa 1957.

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In the second quarter of 2009, Hot Toys (fitting name in this case) will be releasing the Scarlett Johansson 12″ RBM intern figure. We’ve been going through the design stages for a few months and we’re finally happy with the outcome. Preorder it here.

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