In my quest to find the cheeziest movies ever created, I never imagined that I would stumble across the Holy Grail of cheesieness. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes has to be the goofiest damn film ever, and I’ve sat through Basket Case 3.
Much like the silly spoof films that followed (Airplane!, The Naked Gun, and Spaceballs to name a few), Tomatoes is a grundle kick to the Hitchcock films of old. What sets it appart, is the shere harebrained situations the characters are made to suffer through; namely….the musical numbers!!!! Holy Handgrenade of Antiok! The sound of nails on a chalkboard would make a better soundtrack than most of the songs from Tomatoes. See for yourself:
Perhaps now’s as good a time as any to give you a run-down of the film. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me exactly what was going on (other than sheer nonsence), so here’s the summary from the case:
“Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the supermarket…you’re face-to-face with terror so bold–so frightening–it has never been seen on-screen before or since.
“After a series of bizarre and increasingly horrific attacks, Mason Dixon finds himself leading a “crack” team of specialists to save the planet. But will they be quick enough to save everyone? To save you?
“You can’t run! You can’t swim! There’s nowhere to hide! The vicious red menace is everywhere!!”
It would be near impossible for me to ruin this movie for you, so I have no regrets giving away the ending. Apparently, the only way to subdue the frightening fruits (that’s right, their fruits) is to make them hear the song “Puberty Love” by some made up ’70’s heart-throb. All of the tomatoes shrink back to normal, and get stomped to V8 juice. All but one, that is. The remaining tomatoe was cleaver enough to equip some ear muffs. It would’ve went on to conquer the world, but Mason Dixon unrolled the sheet music for “Puberty Love” and the monster was slain. What? You didn’t know that tomatoes could read sheet music?
Here’s the trailer for Attack of the Killer Tomatoes:
As if this movies wasn’t bad enough, you’re not going to believe the info that I’m about to slam down on you. THERE’S A SEQUEL!!!
AND A CARTOON!!!!!!!
May the gods have mercy on us all.