1649 – King Charles I of England is beheaded. Remember in Austin Powers when the guy gets his head bitten off an ill-tempered sea bass and Austin makes a bunch of “losing your head,” “way to get ahead” jokes? Don’t worry I won’t stoop to that level, I’m away ahead of you. BA-ZING.
1806 – The original Lower Trenton Bridge (also called the Trenton Makes the World Takes Bridge), which spans the Delaware River between Morrisville, Pennsylvania and Trenton, New Jersey, is opened. I can’t for the life of me figure out why the good poeple of Morrisville, Pennsylvania would wan’t to get to Jersey. For the hookers? Mars can you shed some light on this?
1835 – In the first assassination attempt against a President of the United States, Richard Lawrence attempts to shoot president Andrew Jackson. When homeboy misfired two separate guns on Jackson, Old Hickory, as legend has it, promptly beat the bag out of the would be assassin with his cane while Davy Crockett held him down. That’s how we do 1830s muthafucka. Crockett and Jackson then gave each other a pound and sparked a blunt.
1962 – Two of the high-wire Flying Wallendas are killed when their seven-person pyramid collapses during a performance in Detroit, Michigan. Top that Chris Angel, PLEASE.
1969 – The Beatles’ last public performance, on the roof of Apple Records in London. The impromptu concert is broken up by the police. Yoko.
1996 – Gino Gallagher, the suspected leader of the Irish National Liberation Army, is killed while waiting in line for his unemployment benefit. He was smashed with a large wooden mallet by a balding man with a silly mustache.