Emile Doucette is an accomplished short film director, editor, and two-time special effects award winner. He recently won a national directing award for his short film “Daughter of Dogtown.” I told him I would have this up yesterday morning, but it turned out to be a day of epic blog slacking, so I’m throwing it up now. I’m going to edit it later today with links to Emile’s movies and a naked picture of Emile’s imagination.
Why should we hire you?
I already have 2 great ideas for articles: “I Only Speak Kryptonese: Dragons, Extra Arms, and other effects of Red Kryptonite on the Man of Steel.” The other could be a regular segment: “Hateful Racist Stereotype or Beloved Character from the American Cinema?” The first installment would be about the academy overlooking Mickey Rooney’s groundbreaking portrayal of buck-toothed Mr. Yunioshi in Breakfast At Tiffany’s. My other qualifications include my lack of scruples, my interest in all things banal, and my desire to find us some nice, girl-next-door RMB interns.
Sell me this pencil.
A pen doesn’t work in outer-space.
What is the last DVD you bought?
Two discs (34 episodes in all) of Beavis and Butt-head from Savers on Endicott Street in Danvers. Guess how much I paid? 5 bucks. I also bought some sweatpants without trying them on first, and when I got home I found out they were too short and had elastic on the ankles. Really makes you think.
Can I borrow $20?
I think you already have. If you want, I’ll just keep Night of the Hunter instead.
Life of crime or a life of mime?
Woah, good one. Violence or silence. Sorry, I just got distracted. My computer just asked me if I was bi. I can find out now at mydailymoment.com. The term “Bi-Curious” is so awesome. At what point do you stop being Bi-Curious and just turn Bi? is it a one time thing? Life of crime.
If you could have sexual relations with any first lady, who would you bone?
Hannah Hoes Van Buren. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Total 19th century babe.
If you could kill anyone, who would it be and how would you do it?
This one is so fucking hard. I would kill the 2nd unborn baby of the pregnant man, Thomas Beatie, who (according to 2 different people) apparently looks like me now that I cut my hair. I would push him down a flight of stairs and as he fell he would say, “You hate me because you think my pregnancy is unnatural,” and I would say, “No, it’s that you just look like me, dude, so stop being in the news,” and he’d say, “Alright,” and I would kiss him on the forehead.
Lucas or Spielberg?
Wait… are you talking about the director of Schindler’s List versus the director of Herbie?
I’m gonna have to go with Spielberg. He just knows how to take his audience on a feel-good action-adventure ride. And then turn that cinematic ride into an actual ride at an amusement park. But I will say this: I just saw THX 1138; that film is a masterpiece. It’s better than Jurassic Park, Jaws, and Hook combined. So Lucas gets some points for that one. And he did come up with the story for Willow. And Spielberg really fucked up AI. Actually, can I change my answer to Stanley Kubrick?
What is the last book you read?
“All the Pretty Horses” by Cormac McCarthy to get over my hated of horses. Actually I read it just so I could watch the movie and groan, “Ehhhh, the book was so much better.” Which I haven’t done yet. I also bought the other 2 books in his so-called “Border Trilogy” but I couldn’t finish the 2nd one. Too flowery. Now I just stick to reading blogs.
And finally, a round of “Fuck, Marry, Kill” (which one of these people would you fuck, which one would you marry, and which one would you kill?): R2-D2, the Iron Giant, Data
Fuck Columbine, Kill September 11th, and Marry the Oklahoma City Bombing.