History Made Today in History

1888 In Washington, D.C., the National Geographic Society is founded. Paving the way for horned-up teens to tug one out to saggy boobed, lip-disked natives. Boy, thos pre-Internet days were tough…

1967The Doors self titled debut album is released. In celebration, Jim Morrison called his mother and father to thank them for being wonderful parents, sent a bouquet of roses to his high school music teacher and then responsibly ordered an O’Douls at dinner so he wouldn’t be messed up for that evening’s show.

1983Pilot shaft of the Seikan Tunnel, the world’s longest subaqueous tunnel (53.85 km) between the Japanese islands of Honshū and Hokkaidō breaks through. Hey Japan in 1983, why are you doing in real-life what I’ve done in my head everytime we’ve had one of these crazy snowstorms this winter? Tunnels = awesome. Unless, they go to or from Logan Airport… those things are sketchy as fuck.

1984Michael Jackson suffers second degree burns to his scalp while filming a commercial for Pepsi. Proving naysayers wrong who doubted that the friction created by rubbing one’s scalp against an 11 yr old boy’s crotch could’t start a fire.

2006 Western Union discontinues its Telegram and Commercial Messaging services. Will still offer smoke signal service in contiguous United States.

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2 Responses to History Made Today in History

  1. 11 year old boy says:

    help! my crotch is on fire!

  2. the good doctor says:

    c’mon children that’s ignorant. come play with me!!

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