1793 – After being found guilty of treason by the French Convention, Louis XVI of France was executed by the guillotine. After killing their own king no one will ever question the French’s thirst for blood and violence.
1861 – American Civil War: Jefferson Davis resigns from the United States Senate. Claims to have some “big things” going on down South. Puff Daddy pleads with him, telling him he’s chasing short money and eventually convices him to sign with Bad Boy.
1908 – New York City passes the Sullivan Ordinance, making it illegal for women to smoke in public, only to have the measure vetoed by the mayor. A rabid fan of the Uhh Yeah Dude podcast he saw no problem with women who were smmoooooookin’
1941 – World War II: Australian and British forces attack Tobruk, Libya. After taking the stronghold they discover massive cache of bestiality pornography addressed and ready to be mailed to “A. Hitler” .
1960 – Miss Sam, a female rhesus monkey, lifts off from Wallops Island, Virginia, aboard Little Joe 1B – an unmanned test of the Mercury spacecraft. They let a monkey be an astronaut? The ’60s were fucking crazy.
1968 – A B-52 bomber crashes near Thule Air Base, contamining the area after its nuclear payload ruptures. One of the four bombs remains unaccounted for after the cleanup operation is complete. I did a little research on this one. The unaccounted for nuclear bomb is still unaccounted for. No joke here, that’s just pretty fucked up. Oh wait, Thule Air Base is is Greenland? Pfff nevermind, who gives a shit about Greenland?
1969 – An experimental underground nuclear reactor at Lucens Vad, Switzerland, released radiation into a cavern, which was then sealed. What the fuck? Did anyone else think that the unaccounted for nuclear bomb was going to be the worse one today?
1999 – War on Drugs: In one of the largest drug busts in American history, the United States Coast Guard intercepts a ship with over 4,300 kg (9,500 lb) of cocaine on board. Something someting something something Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton.