Seeing Movies Is Now Really Dangerous

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After I see a movie in the theater, I usually hang out for a minute and let the credits roll. Once most people have exited, I look around to see if anyone left behind some popcorn. Then I enjoy the popcorn on the car ride home while I talk to my chauffeur about how much the movie sucks. Wholesome.

But after events of last week, I’m heading straight for the nearest emergency exit 10 minutes before the movie ends. Here’s a look at movie theater-related violence in the past week:

Greensboro, North Carolina: On Friday, a shooting took place in a theater hallway. Jamal Woolard, the actor who plays Biggie in Notorious, was at the theater. No information on the victim’s condition is available and police have not stated whether they think there is a connection to the actor’s presence at the theater. No connection to Joaquin Phoenix rapping has been established.

Brooklyn, NYC: On Saturday, four people were stabbed at the Djumbala nightclub hosting the after-party for the premiere of Notorious. Joaquin Phoenix was not in attendance.

Valley Stream, NY: On Sunday (or Monday, they don’t specify), a 16 year old who was waiting inside a movie theater for his ride after a showing of My Bloody Valentine 3D, was stabbed by a security guard. The kid received six stitches and the security guard, 24 year old Roicardo Singh, was not Paul Blart.

Newton, NJ: On Monday, after a screening of Hotel for Dogs, several puppies tried to check into a local Holiday Inn and were turned away. The puppies then pissed and shit all over the carpets in the lobby before being shot by security guards.

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