1547 – Ivan IV of Russia aka Ivan the Terrible becomes Tsar of Russia. 400+ years later in Rocky IV Rocky defeats Ivan Drago the Terrible , coincidence?
1581 – The English Parliament outlaws Roman Catholicism. Immediately regret this decision when Fall 1582 Catholic schoolgirl outfits are revealed.
1777 – Vermont declares its independence from New York. Why do all the trees in Vermont point to the west? Because New York Sucks! Thank you Bill “Spaceman” Lee.
1909 – Ernest Shackleton’s expedition finds the magnetic South Pole. Under the couch, just like where his wife said it would be.
1919 – Temperance movement: The United States ratifies the Eighteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, authorizing Prohibition in the United States one year after ratification. Congress decides to sober up after waking up ashamed next to Luxembourg.
1945 – Adolf Hitler moves into his underground bunker, the so-called Führerbunker. Furiously masturbates to gay porn. Fuck you, Hitler.
1968 – The Youth International Party is founded. Unlike Hippies, Yippies actually get some things accomplished, foremost founding something.
1991 – The United States goes to war with Iraq, beginning the Gulf War. Conservative country musicians realize there are new colored people to hate. Heeda haada herda.
2009 – Internet website www.robotbitesman.com celebrates their 6-month anniversary. You celebrate by adding the site to the favorites of every computer you come in contact with.