History Made Today in History

1547 Ivan IV of Russia aka Ivan the Terrible becomes Tsar of Russia. 400+ years later in Rocky IV Rocky defeats Ivan Drago the Terrible , coincidence?

1581The English Parliament outlaws Roman Catholicism. Immediately regret this decision when Fall 1582 Catholic schoolgirl outfits are revealed.

1777Vermont declares its independence from New York. Why do all the trees in Vermont point to the west? Because New York Sucks! Thank you Bill “Spaceman” Lee.

1909Ernest Shackleton’s expedition finds the magnetic South Pole. Under the couch, just like where his wife said it would be.

1919Temperance movement: The United States ratifies the Eighteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, authorizing Prohibition in the United States one year after ratification. Congress decides to sober up after waking up ashamed next to Luxembourg.

1945 Adolf Hitler moves into his underground bunker, the so-called Führerbunker. Furiously masturbates to gay porn. Fuck you, Hitler.

1968The Youth International Party is founded. Unlike Hippies, Yippies actually get some things accomplished, foremost founding something.

1991The United States goes to war with Iraq, beginning the Gulf War. Conservative country musicians realize there are new colored people to hate. Heeda haada herda.

2009 – Internet website www.robotbitesman.com celebrates their 6-month anniversary. You celebrate by adding the site to the favorites of every computer you come in contact with.

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3 Responses to History Made Today in History

  1. Oh Mars says:

    2009 – Oh Mars’ dancing makes all female employees pregnant at company party.

  2. probot8 says:

    2009 (later in the day) – Probot quietly explains to Oh Mars how the miracle of life takes place.

  3. the good doctor says:

    the spaceman is a true role model. read the wrong stuff, or at the very very least the last paragraph. maybe probot will put it up, i know i left my copy at his house. speaking of spacemen;
    june 12th, 1979: dock ellis pitches a no-hitter while under the influence of lsd. only two hit batters, a plane ticket from LA to san diego under 10 dollars, a few bases loaded situations, 8 or so walks, a disappearing catcher and a baseball that would vary its size. all in all, a pretty casual day on the mound.

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