69 – Otho seizes power in Rome, proclaiming himself Emperor of Rome, but only rules for three months before committing suicide. Mo’ money, mo problems.
1582 – Russia cedes Livonia and Estonia to Poland. In return Poland gives Russia comedic license to make fun of the people living in those areas. Russia, having no sense of humor, isn’t able to think of a single joke about Pollacks, a trend that has gone global and Poland still retains the title of People Least Made Fun Of (no, it’s cool I’m Polish).
1889 – The Coca-Cola Company, then known as the Pemberton Medicine Company, is originally incorporated in Atlanta, Georgia. Crunkness ensues.
1892 – James Naismith publishes the rules of basketball. In an effort to encourage interracial harmony Naismith writes “Whites shall let Blacks succeed verily.” The rule is followed to a T.
1919 – Boston Molasses Disaster: A large molasses tank in Boston, Massachusetts, bursts and a wave of molasses rushes through the streets, killing 21 people and injuring 150 others. What? Hey, Hollywood, get the fuck on this one STAT. Bruce Willis stars and has to become a human plug in order to hold the tank from busting for an extra 10 minutes allowing Leonardo Di Caprio and Willis’ daughter, played by Taylor Swift, to escape. Eventually the pressure becomes to great and Bruce is shot over the city of Boston and lands skull-first on a cobbled street.
1967 – The first Super Bowl is played in Los Angeles, California. Funniest commercial: Geico caveman is granted entrance to San Francisco’s Human Be-In despite signs warning “NO CAVEMEN,” because no one call tell the difference between a caveman and a dirty hippie. Tag line: Being a dirty hippie, so easy even a caveman can do it.