1539 – Spain annexes Cuba. Yoink!
1784 – American Revolutionary War: The United States ratifies a peace treaty with Great Britain.
US: We’ll give you dope movies and advance the dental profession.
Great Britain: We’ll give you Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin and The Who. We should be all set on the dental thing, we’re working on some stuff, but thanks.
1907 – An earthquake in Kingston, Jamaica kills more than 1,000. Trenchtown Rocked.
1938 – Norway claims Queen Maud Land in Antarctica. Rest of the world scratches heads and replies, “Yeah sure, it’s… uh… all yours.”
1943 – World War II: Franklin D. Roosevelt and Winston Churchill begin the Casablanca Conference to discuss strategy and study the next phase of the war… they knock back beers and try to figure out who gets to nail Ingrid Bergman.
1943 – World War II: Franklin D. Roosevelt becomes the first President of the United States to travel via airplane while in office when he travels from Miami, Florida to Morocco to meet with Winston Churchill. TMZ’s headline: Are Church and Rosey Getting Cozy?
1967 – Counterculture of the 1960s: The Human Be-In, takes place in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park, launching the Summer of Love. AND IT ALL FUCKING STARTS. Owsley Stanely “The Bear,” literally brings enough LSD for EVERYBODY.
1999 – Toronto, Ontario Mayor Mel Lastman becomes the first mayor in Canada to call in the Army to shovel snow.
Lastman: Soldiers, we’ve got a war to fight. Our enemy is cold and each one of them is unique. Many of you may never see your families again, we pray for them. We pray for you (sounds of gun clips being loaded).Now, you get out there and you shovel that snow– (abruptly cut off)
Canadian soldier: –Are you fucking kidding me? I’m making a Tim Horton’s run, anybody need anything? This motherfucker and the snow shoveling, you really had us going…