Plaxico Burress: American Badass

Tell Kid Rock to step aside...

New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress is facing a felony weapons charge as the result of possessing an unlicensed, concealed (and loaded) firearm in a Manhattan nightclub. Keepin’ it gangsta. Oh yeah, he’s being charged because said firearm discharged, while Burress was in da club, into his own thigh on the evening of Friday, November 28th. Gangsta fail. Now, a lot of people are going to speak poorly of Mr. Burress for his judgment (or lack there of) in this incident, but I for one, will not. I have never been one to insult individuals who: 1) are known to carry concealed weapons and 2) handle them with the tact of Cheddar Bob.

Steady... steady...

I would like to ask Mr. Burress a few questions though.

1) You were carrying a gun in a Manhattan nightclub? Really? Manhattan? Like, the part of New York City where apartment buildings have doormen and shit? More threatening crowds have been seen gathering in San Francisco to protest the passage of Proposition 8.

Rabble, rabble, rabble.

Be cool, they mean business.

2) Plax, I understand that as a wide receiver in the NFL you need to run crossing routes with complete disregard for linebackers and safeties, but how do you explain having complete disregard for the safety on your handgun? Unless you’re Tony Montana, eyeing some Bolivians who look like they’re about to shoot-up The Babylon, I’m pretty sure you can keep the safety on, fella.

Tony Montana says: Responsible gun ownership is fun and cool.

3) You’ve hired former Sean Combs attorney Benjamin Brafman, who had his client acquitted for an incident in 1999 at a Times Square nightclub where shots were fired. What are the chances you have someone like Shyne mysteriously appear out of the woodwork to take the heat? Who cares if YOU SHOT YOURSELF, I’m sure you can find $$$omeone$$$ willing to fess up.

Hopefully this video footage capturing the event dosn’t hurt your case.


One Response to Plaxico Burress: American Badass

  1. ohmars says:

    Tact and Cheddar Bob in the same sentence, genius.

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